Back to you
by AOBZ
Summary: Alex has a secret and Olivia is determined to find out what it is. Slash! AO obviously. Strong M for later chapters!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: don't own em! just borrowing!!

A/N: I'm back!!! lol ... I'm now in Spain and I started this story before I got here, figuring I could finish it before I had to leave, but clearly that did not work out. It's taken me until now to finish it because I've been so busy with adjusting to life here and with school. I really hope you guys enjoy it!

PS- I apologize to those who are in law and know that some of the law info is wrong.. I have no idea what the laws are so I basically just made my own up, or tried to word the sentence in such a way that I didn't have to use specifics lol. Anyways, it's FF so just ignore that and enjoy the AO lovin'! It's what you're here for anyways :P

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Olivia and Elliot walked back to the precinct with grins on their faces. Fin looked up as the door opened.

"What're you all smiling about?"

"We got him! Bastard's going to jail for a very long time."

Olivia flopped in her chair.

"Well congratulations. I knew you could do it."

Olivia smiled at him as she absentmindedly flipped through her pages. Munch stood up and stretched.

"Well on that note, I'm going home."

"Yeah I'm gonna call it a night too."

"Night Fin. Munch."

"See y'all tomorrow."

"Yep."

Elliot watched him leave before turning back to Olivia. He watched her carefully and saw that she was staring off into space, something she had been doing for weeks now. He had tried asking her about it but either they got interrupted, busy, or he simply forgot. He looked around the office and seeing that it was empty, figured this was the perfect time to ask.

"What's on your mind?"

She looked up at him.

"What?"

"Something's got you distracted. Has been for a while now. What is it?"

"Nothing."

"It's something Olivia. Talk to me."

She sighed.

"I'm a little concerned."

"About?"

"Have you noticed anything odd about Alex lately?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's just me but I think something is up with her. Something's been going on for a while."

"How so?"

"She's hiding something."

"What makes you think that?"

"Just...the way she's been acting. She never talks to me anymore. We used to be kind of close you know? We'd go out for drinks or hang out and now she barely makes eye contact with me. It's been forever since we've talked."

"I didn't know that."

She shrugged.

"We didn't really say anything. I thought she was interested but... I don't know. She's just been so distant."

"Maybe she's seeing someone else?"

"I think she is, but..."

"But?"

"There's something else. Something's up."

"What do you mean?"

"You haven't noticed?"

"Noticed what Liv?"

She could tell he was getting exasperated with her but she wanted to know if she was the only one noticing what was going on with their ADA.

"Have you noticed she's started wearing pant suits lately?"

"Yeah." He answered, not really getting the relevance. "It's getting colder."

"Yeah but she's been wearing them for months now, even during the heat. And did you notice the way she was standing the other day? Like she was in pain?"

Elliot had a feeling he knew exactly where his partner was going with this.

"You can't possibly be saying what I think you're saying. You think whoever she's seeing is hitting her?"

"I don't know El. All I'm saying is a few days ago we were in the bathroom at the same time and when she lifted her sleeves to wash her hands, I saw her wrist. She had two clear finger prints bruised into the inside of it."

"That could be from one of her interrogations. You know how she likes to provoke them."

"It could be."

He could tell by his partner's tone that she wasn't convinced.

"You're making a pretty serious accusation Liv. You've gotta be sure."

"I'm not making any accusations, I'm just saying. I know it's serious but I've had this unsettling feeling for a while now El. It's getting harder and harder to ignore it. Especially at the thought of someone hurting her..."

He nodded in understanding.

"Look, why don't you try and talk to her tomorrow? I'll cover for you for an hour while you go to her office. Okay?"

"Thanks El. I appreciate it."

"No problem. You figure out what's going on okay? I don't want you losing any more sleep over this."

She nodded.

"I'll go tomorrow."

"Good. Alright I have to get going."

"Yeah. Say hi to Kathy for me."

"I will. Don't stay too late."

"I won't. Good night."

"Night."

When Olivia showed up for work the next morning, she greeted everyone before dropping her stuff off at her desk.

"If you still want to talk to her, you should go now. No cases yet."

She nodded and headed for Alex's office.

"She said she doesn't want to be disturbed."

Olivia ignored the warning and knocked on the door.

"I'm busy!"

She heard Alex call through the door but Olivia was determined to talk to the blonde. She had spent most of the night thinking about this conversation and she was determined to have it. Ignoring Alex's obvious dismissal, she opened the door and barged in.

"Olivia!"

Alex immediately pulled her blouse closed.

"What are you doing?!"

Olivia stood there, shocked. Alex was in the middle of fiddling with what looked like gauze bandages wrapped around her torso when she had walked in. When she came back to her senses, she closed the door and made her way over.

"What are you doing here? I said I was busy." She said sharply.

"What happened?"

Alex tried to hide her discomfort by looking angry.

"What do you want detective?"

"Alex."

She said it so softly that Alex could feel her resolve melting. But, as quickly as the walls began crumbling, they were put back into place. She straightened her back and tightened her hold on her shirt.

"What happened?"

"That is none of your business detective. Is there anything I can help you with or are you just going to continue staring at my chest?"

Olivia's eyes darted up to Alex's. The blonde knew that that was not where Olivia was looking, but she wanted to embarrass and make her angry. She knew the detective well and she knew if she pushed the right buttons, Olivia would become angry and storm off. She didn't want to hurt her, but she couldn't afford to have Olivia prying into her business. It was the reason she had reluctantly begun distancing herself from the brunette. Olivia was getting too close, and she couldn't have that.

_-I'm sorry Olivia._

The brunette glared at her.

"I am _not_ staring at your chest Alex. How dare you imply that? I want to know what the hell is under your blouse and why the hell there are open packages of gauze on your desk. What hell has been going on with you lately Alex? You don't talk to me anymore. You barely even look at me when you're around. What is up with you?"

"That is none of your business."

The blonde held her gaze, refusing to back down. She couldn't.

"Fine Alex. Whatever."

The blonde felt like crying but she kept her back straight until Olivia left. After the brunette left her office, Alex dropped into her chair and let the tears silently stream down her face. This is how it had been going on between the two of them for months. There was a time when she and the brunette would go out for drinks and talk until the wee hours of the morning. But now, they were always arguing. It had been months since Alex had had a real conversation with the detective but as much as it killed her, it had to be this way. Alex couldn't have Olivia snooping around her business, not when what she was working on was so important.

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There you are! Let me know what you think :) Next chapters will be posted randomly.. but I won't wait too long I promise!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: hey guys! well here's the second part! Thanks for all the reviews :) I appreciate your comments and thoughts. Take care ;)

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After seeing Alex, Olivia felt even worse. It had been two days since she had barged into Alex's office and seen the bandages around the blonde's waist. Now knew without a doubt now that there was something Alex was hiding from the rest of them and that knowledge was eating away at her.

When she had gotten back from her office that day, Elliot had immediately sensed her bad mood and hadn't asked. She was thankful because she was sure she would have bitten his head off. Finally, after tiptoeing around her for two days, he couldn't take it anymore.

"You have to talk to her Liv because you're driving me crazy. I can't take it when you're like this."

"Like what?" she snapped.

He gave her a look.

"Sorry." She said, sighing. "I just can't stop thinking about it."  
"What happened?"

"When I went to see her, she was wrapping bandages around her torso and when I confronted her about it, she refused to answer me. Instead she goaded me until she got me pissed off and then I left. I hate that she knows how to do that and I hate myself even more for falling for it."

"It's her job to know how to piss people off."

"Not helping El."

"Sorry. Have you tried speaking to her since?"

"Yes. I don't know what to do anymore. She's avoiding me completely. I don't know what to do. I'm really worried El."

"I know you are."

They both stayed quiet.

"What if you went to her place?"

"What?"

"What if you went to her apartment? She can't avoid you there."

"I've tried that. She just refuses to buzz me in."

"So then call her neighbours and use the cop line. Or follow someone inside."

Liv sighed.

"I didn't want to take it this far."

"Well you haven't got much of a choice, do you?"

"Not really."

"Well then. Go tonight. You have the whole weekend to harass her and find out what the hell is going on."

"Yeah...I'm just worried about making things worse. I don't want to let on that I suspect something in case she_ is_ seeing someone who's..."

Olivia didn't want to say it. She didn't have to though. Elliot knew exactly what she was talking about.

"Yeah I know. But if you're saying that she's wrapping herself in gauze now, we know what's next. You need to find out Liv. If you don't figure it out this weekend, I'm going to confront her and then go to Liz. If what you say is true, this has been kept quiet long enough. If she won't help herself, then we need to."

"I know El. Just give me the weekend."

"I will."

"Thank you."

Elliot nodded. He knew what this woman meant to his partner and he knew how much this was killing her. He squeezed her shoulder in comfort and she offered him a weak smile.

That night, Olivia left the office more nervous than she'd been since... well, since she could remember. She wasn't even sure it could be described as nervous, it was more like dread. She was dreading going to Alex's because she knew this was probably going to be ugly.

She got into her car and drove to their ADA's apartment. It was just after nine when she pulled into the parking lot. After parking her car, she got out and made her way to the door. She pushed the buzzer for the apartment and waited.

"Yes?"

"It's me, Olivia."

She could hear a sigh.

"Look Olivia, this isn't a good time."

"Don't give me that bullshit Alex. If you don't let me in, I'm going to buzz all of your neighbours until one of them lets me in. You've been avoiding me for too long. I want to talk Alex. Let me in."

There was silence for a few seconds before she heard the buzzer.

"You get five minutes detective."

Olivia let herself in and took the stairs two at a time before slowly making her way to Alex's door. She had too much energy to take the elevator and she hoped tiring herself by taking the stairs would help calm herself. Unfortunately it did nothing for the energy pumping in her veins. The only thing her trip up the stairs succeeded in doing was make her sweaty.

She took a few deep breaths and approached Alex's door. Just as she raised her fist to knock on the door, it swung open. Alex wrapped her bathrobe tighter around her waist as she stepped into the hallway. Olivia looked at her confused.

"Aren't we going inside?"

"No. If you want to talk, we talk out here."

Olivia thought that that was odd, but she didn't argue. She gave the blonde a long look as she stood there. She definitely did not look like her regular self. She was wearing a pair of knitted slippers, pajama pants that were covered by the bathrobe at the knees, and as Olivia made her way higher, she could tell the blonde was uncomfortable by the fact that she was being inspected but Olivia didn't care. She looked at Alex's face and thought the woman had never looked so drained. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and it gave the detective a good view of her face. Alex's cheeks were more sunken in and her eyes looked hollow. The woman had lost quite a bit of weight Olivia had noticed, but as she looked at her now, she couldn't help but feel that something was definitely wrong. All the anger that had pumped through her veins from earlier was gone now, replaced with worry and pain.

"What has happened to you Alex?"

The blonde was a little thrown off by the question.

"What?"

"You look sick. You're thinner. Jesus you look like someone's sucked the life out of you."

Olivia reached out to cup the blonde's cheek and Alex, not expecting the movement, flinched away. She managed to fight against the urge to fully turn her head, but Olivia caught the flinch. She shook her head.

"Who? Who's doing this to you Alex?"

"I-"

Both women turned their heads towards the elevator as they heard it ding. Olivia saw Alex tense beside her.

"You need to go Olivia. Now. You need to leave."

"Alex I'm not-"

"Go!"

The blonde tried to push her to move but Olivia refused to budge. The doors dinged open and Olivia watched as a man emerged from the elevator. He walked to where Olivia and Alex were standing and he gave Alex a look.

"Who is this?"

Alex forced a smile.

"This is Olivia. She's my co-worker."

He regarded her stiffly.

"What do you want?"

"I need her help getting a warrant." She answered casually.

Olivia watched as Alex stiffened when he approached her. He laid a firm hand on her shoulder and began guiding her in the apartment. The blonde, knowing what Olivia was going to do, tried to plead with her eyes for the brunette to just leave. Olivia refused.

"Unhand her."

"Excuse me?"

"Get your hands off of her."

"What the hell is your-"

Olivia reached out and slammed him against the wall.

"Listen asshole. I know what you've been doing and so help me God if you lay another hand on her I'll rip your fucking head off."

He jerked back and pushed her off of him.

"Look Olivia, just-"

But before she could continue her sentence, Alex was pushed into the apartment.

"Get inside Alex." He turned to Olivia. "You wanna be tough? Fine. We're going to deal with this like men. I'll fight you gladly."

"Jeff, please don't. Just come to bed."

"Jeff is it?" Olivia asked, finally finding out his name. "I don't want to fight you. I just want to warn you. If you lay another hand on my friend-"

She cut off her sentence as he took a swing at her. She was glad he did it. Now she could react and it would be self-defence. She grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his arm. She turned to Alex.

"Move." She said firmly.

"No. Not in the-"

"Move!"

Alex moved as Olivia shoved him inside. She slammed him against the wall.

"I'm placing you under arrest. You have the right to-"

"Maman?"

Olivia's gaze jerked over to the hallway where she found a small girl clutching a blanket and staring at Alex. Olivia looked up at Alex and back down at the girl.

She froze.

- _No. It can't be._

She looked back at Alex and the girl and her eyes widened. The girl had long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She looked back at Alex and saw the same blonde hair and blue eyes. While she was momentarily distracted, Jeff jerked away and elbowed Olivia in the face. The brunette fell back and raised her hand at the last second, just enough to push Jeff's fist from her nose. He still managed to get her in the cheek, but at least she had deflected most of the force.

This time she didn't hesitate. Three blows later he was down on the floor and cuffed. Olivia turned and found that the living room was empty.

"Move you son of a bitch and you'll regret it." She said firmly.

She made her way down the hall and called out to Alex. She followed the sounds of small sobbing and pushed opened one of the doors. She found herself pushing open the door of the small girl's room. Alex had her cradled in her arms and was trying desperately to soothe her. When she noticed Olivia had opened the door, she glared at her.

"Now do you see why I wanted you to mind your own damn business? You couldn't just leave well enough alone could you?!"

She got up roughly and left the room but was careful to mind the small child in her arms. Olivia, still in shock at everything that just happened, could say nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

An hour and a half later, Alex was giving her statement back at the precinct and Olivia was washing up in the bathroom. Her cheek was already starting to swell and her eye was looking just as bad. The door shot open and she looked over to see Elliot walk in.

"You can't come in here. This is the women's washroom."

"I don't care. What the fuck just happened? One minute I'm on the couch watching a movie with my wife, the next I'm getting a phone call saying you got the shit beat out of your face. And what the hell is going on with Alex? Who the hell is that kid? Alex doesn't have kids. Since when does Alex have kids? What the hell is going on?"

"I don't know El. I haven't had the chance to talk to her yet. I don't know what's going on. They wouldn't let me be there while she was giving her statement so I have to wait until she's done to talk to her."

"Why aren't you in there giving one?"

"I just did."

"So what the hell happened? What's going on? Why didn't you call me?"

"I'm sorry. Everything just started happening all at once and I knew you were with Kathy-"

"Don't give me that Liv."

"Look, I had it under control. The only reason I called Fin was because I needed someone to drive that asshole in. I couldn't have him in the same car as Alex and Emma."

"The kid's name is Emma?"

"Yeah."

He seemed to calm momentarily.

"So it's true? Alex has a kid?"

"So it seems. I don't know the details but I did hear her call Alex maman."

"Maman? The kid's French?"

"Seems that way. Alex was speaking to her in French. I don't know if the kid speaks any English."

"Alex speaks French? Jesus, what the hell else don't we know about her?"

"I don't know El..."

For the first time, he thought about how hard Olivia must be taking all of this.

"Shit Liv, I'm sorry. What you must be feeling-"

The door jerked open and Fin poked his head in.

"Sorry to interrupt. She's gonna be finished really soon Olivia if you wanna catch her..."

Olivia immediately pulled away from the sink.

"Thanks Fin."

He nodded and left.

"Go ahead. We'll talk later."

"Thanks El. For everything."

"Yeah."

Olivia left the bathroom and made her way to the interrogation room. She sighed internally when she saw Cragen and Liz standing there. She didn't feel like talking at the moment.

"Olivia."

"Yes captain."

"How're you doing?" he asked sympathetically.

"Relatively well. My face is going to look like shit tomorrow though."

"That's not what I meant."

She sighed. "Not good cap. I need her to talk to me but she's so angry..."

He laid his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently. He knew all about the way she felt about Alex. He was one of the first ones to figure it out. He'd always been like a father to her and she had admitted her attraction to the blonde almost immediately when he had confronted her with his suspicions.

"She's going to need a lot of support Liv. Don't let her push you away."

"I won't."

"Good. Why don't you take the next few days for yourself?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. You're not going to be any use here when you're thinking about her."

"Okay. Thanks cap."

Just as she finished her sentence, the door opened and an even more drained looking Alex emerged. Emma was passed out in her arms and the blonde looked like she was having trouble carrying the girl.

Olivia walked over and gently pulled the girl from Alex. At first Alex had resisted, but when Olivia shook her head, telling her to let her take the girl, Alex finally acquiesced. She passed her the girl and straightened her back, almost as if on the defence.

"How are you doing Alex?"

"I'm fine Don."

"Listen, Don's given Olivia the next few days off. I'd like you to go home with her. It would make me feel better if you went with her."

"But-"

"For once in your life Alex don't argue. Just do it, okay?"

Alex sighed and nodded.

"Thank you." Her boss replied

"I just need to get some stuff from my office."

"Okay. I'll follow you in a second."

Liz turned to Olivia.

"You take care of her."

"I will."

Liz could tell there was something else the detective wanted to say.

"What is it?"

"Is it true? Is this Alex's daughter?"

Liz sighed.

"It's a long story Olivia. You need to talk to Alex. You two have a lot to talk about."

Olivia nodded.

"Yeah I know. Thanks Liz."

"Have a good weekend."

Olivia made her way to Alex's office. When she entered, she found the woman stiffly putting papers into her briefcase. The woman was radiating so many different emotions that Olivia couldn't get a proper read on her. She snapped her briefcase shut and reached out for Emma.

"I can take her now."

"It's okay. I don't mind."

Alex didn't waver so Olivia handed her over. Alex slipped her arms around the child and cradled her close.

"Are you ready to leave?"

"You can just drop us off at a hotel Olivia. I have my credit cards with me."

"Alex I'm not leaving you alone, okay? Besides, I promised Liz I'd watch over you. We're all worried about you."

"I don't need a babysitter."

Olivia sighed.

"I'm not babysitting Alex. We used to be friends once upon a time. I still consider you a friend and I want to help you. Let me. I know you're exhausted. Come to my place."

The blonde didn't argue further, surprising Olivia. Instead, she followed Olivia to her car and rode with her to her apartment. When they arrived, Olivia led her to the apartment door and let her in.

Alex walked inside and couldn't say she wasn't surprised at what she saw. She was surprised at how nice it was. Nicely decorated and it looked...cozy. Inviting.

"The bedroom is down that hall."

Alex walked down the hall as Olivia locked the door. When she entered the room, Alex was standing near the dresser, unsure of what to do.

"Um, I asked Fin to drop you guys off a few things to wear after I gave my statement. I hope you don't mind. They're in here. If you don't like the pyjamas he packed or something, feel free to go through the closet for something."

She said, grabbing the bag from the bed and placing it on the floor.

"I just need to change the sheets."

She reached to pull off the comforter but Alex stopped her.

"Don't bother Olivia. We're both exhausted. It's fine the way it is."

"Are you sure?"

The blonde nodded.

"Okay."

Olivia pulled the blankets back and turned the lamp on.

"Do you want anything? A glass of water? Something to eat?"

"No, I'm fine thank you."

She answered, laying the child on the bed.

"Okay. If you need anything just help yourself okay? Make yourself at home here. And if you need help finding anything, just let me know. Alright?"

"Thank you Olivia."

"Anytime Alex. Good night."

She closed the door behind her and made her way to the linen closet in the bathroom. She pulled out the spare toothbrush and placed it on the sink. She wasn't sure if Fin had thought to pack Alex's so she figured she'd leave one out for the blonde just in case. She left the linen closet open as well in case the blonde wanted to shower. She bent down and grabbed the spare sheets she had on the bottom shelf and headed to the spare room.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Well, I was going to post this a bit earlier but I had to go to my tutoring sessions so I didn't have time to post this before now. This chapter starts to explain a little more of the story, so now you guys will have some questions answered! I changed some of the rules regarding foster care and about child welfare etc, so please ignore that. The actual laws messed with my story so I changed them to fit my story lol. Anyways I hope you all like the chapter... let me know at the end! :)

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After Olivia had closed the bedroom door, Alex immediately let her shoulders drop in exhaustion. Her ribs were aching and she had a killer headache, but that didn't compare to the feeling of...well she wasn't sure what she felt. There were so many emotions running through her system at that moment: anger, fear, exhaustion, frustration...She finally just sighed and made her way to Emma.

She removed the girl's socks before tucking her under the covers. She then turned to the bag of clothes on the floor and began rummaging through it. She found a pair of loose fitting shorts and a tank top and decided that that was good to sleep in. She changed and, too exhausted to do anything else, collapsed into bed.

She woke with a start a few hours later. Panting, she looked to see where she was. Remembering that she was at Olivia's and she was safe, she immediately calmed down. Turning over, she smiled when she saw her little girl sleeping peacefully. She brushed the hair out of her face and gave her a quick peck on the forehead.

Knowing she would not find sleep now that she was awake, she carefully got out of bed and made her way out of the room. She quietly padded down the hall and was surprised to find Olivia awake and watching tv. When she made herself known, the brunette was equally surprised to see her.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. What are you still doing awake?"

She shrugged.

"Brain won't turn off."

Alex nodded her understanding. She could definitely relate to that.

"Did you come out here looking for something?"

Alex hugged herself tight.

"No."

"Did you manage to get any sleep?"

"Yeah. But I know I won't sleep for another few hours."

"Did you want some tea?"

Alex smiled.

"Yeah. That would be nice."

Olivia got up and the blonde followed her to the kitchen. She smiled when she saw the apple pattern that decorated the room.

"I like your apartment. It's very homey."

"Thanks."

She replied as she set the kettle on the stove. Alex winced slightly as she sat.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Just moved the wrong way."

"Did you want something for the pain?"

Alex shook her head.

"I'll be fine."

Olivia waited a few minutes before asking her next question.

"How bad is it?"

"The pain? It's not bad."

"No, I mean, how bad is it?"

_-Oh._

"Just a few cracked ribs. It's nothing-"

"Don't Alex. Just...don't."

She didn't want the woman she was still in love with to tell her that the fact that her ex had beat her so bad he had cracked a "few" ribs was nothing. Thankfully, the boiling water served as a distraction. Olivia turned away and filled their mugs, handing Alex hers. The blonde thanked her and took a slow sip, sighing happily as the hot liquid made its way down her throat.

Olivia sat across from her, staring down into her tea, desperately wanting to question the woman before her. She had so many questions and there was so much she didn't know... didn't understand. Alex knew exactly what Olivia wanted to do and even though the last thing she wanted to do was to be questioned, she knew the brunette deserved answers. Sighing, she looked up at Olivia.

"What?"

"What?"

"What are you thinking of?"

"Nothing."

"Come on Olivia. We both know that's bullshit."

The brunette hesitated a second before finally speaking.

"Is she really yours?"

This time it was Alex's turn to pause.

"That's hard to answer. But I guess when it comes down to it, pretty much."

"Pretty much?"

"I've been in her life since before she was born and I legally adopted her a few months ago. She's mine in every sense of the word, except biologically."

Olivia took a few minutes to process the information. She tried desperately to swallow her anger, but it was hard.

"Jesus Alex. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's complicated."

"So uncomplicate it and tell me."

Alex took a sip from her tea and sorted through her thoughts as she swallowed the liquid.

"I didn't tell you because I wanted to protect her. You're a detective, and you're good at what you do, and I didn't want you getting too close. I didn't want you to stop me."

"What does that mean?"

"I wanted to get full custody of her but as long as her dad was still in the picture and still wanted her, he got legal custody. I may have adopted her, but she's _his_ flesh and blood."

"Okay...?"

Olivia still wasn't following.

"I uh-I needed to prove that where she was living wasn't a safe environment, that it was detrimental to her well-being. But for that I need proof so that's how this all started."

"Are you saying that you forced yourself into this relationship knowing what would happen?"

Alex nodded carefully. She knew this wasn't going to sit well with Olivia.

"Basically. I didn't know how bad it would get but-"

"Jesus Alex. What were you thinking? You could have gotten yourself killed."

"There was no other way. Trust me, I tried. I had to do it this way."

Olivia sat back in her chair and sighed, raking a hand through her hair.

"Jesus...How did this all get started?"

"It's a long story, and not one I think I want to get into this late at night."

"Come on Alex. I'm not going to get any sleep and you yourself said you weren't going to either."

The blonde paused for a minute.

"You're not going to like what you hear."

"I already don't. But I want to know. I need to know."

Alex nodded and looked down into her tea before starting. "Jeff is obnoxious and abusive. And he beat Polly, my best friend, mercilessly. Even when she was pregnant- but she never said a damn thing. She didn't want to leave him and I couldn't force her to leave. When she was killed in a car accident when Emma was four, I was petrified for that little girl. I made several complaints but since he never touched her, and especially that they believed he was a good father, they didn't take her away. She was seeing abuse, but wasn't experiencing it herself, so they didn't think she was in any immediate danger. Besides, the system's so overloaded with kids that unless the child's life is in jeopardy, they'll probably keep him or her with the family.

I loved that little girl and I couldn't just wait around until the day he turned on her, so I did what I had to do. I knew what Polly would want me to do; she made me swear I would do if something ever happened to her I'd take care of Emma. So I did. I moved in after Polly's death. It was good at the beginning but it didn't take long for..." Alex cleared her throat. She refused to become emotional. "It didn't take long for it to all change. I began recording everything he did in hopes to prove that he was a threat to her. But when I went to the cops, again they told me that I could press charges but it wouldn't do much. He'd still get her back in the end because the threat was to me, not her. That, and I wasn't her mother. So, instead of doing that, I tried to convince him to let me adopt Emma so we could be a "real" family. That wasn't well received." She began rubbing her wrist absentmindedly. When she didn't continue, Olivia prodded her gently.

"To be frank? He beat the shit out of me."

"Your trip you apparently took a couple of months ago? Those two weeks?"

"Yeah..."

"I knew something was up. God damn it. I should have looked into it. You never said a damn word about that trip before and then all of a sudden you're gone. I should have known it was a lie."

"Look Olivia, I did what I did so that no one would know. Even if you had looked into it, I would have lied a thousand times before letting you know what happened."

"God damn it Alex." The woman shook her head. "What happened?"

"He figured I was trying to take her away from him. I was stupid though. I was too cocky. I should have waited longer, until I had his trust. It took months and months but I finally got it. And he finally did decide to get me to legally adopt her." She wasn't going to mention what she had to do to get him to agree to it. But, even though she wasn't her flesh and blood, Emma was her daughter and she would fight to the death for her. She would do anything for her little girl. Olivia noticed Alex's silence and nudged her to continue.

"For months now I've been working with another lawyer trying to find the best angle to attack this but it kept coming back to the same issue: he didn't pose a great enough threat to Emma to warrant getting his rights stripped. So, we decided to attack the psychological angle. It was good, we were going to prove our point and we were pretty sure we would win too. Until a few days ago-"

Alex's voice cracked as a memory hit her. Olivia immediately noticed her distress and got closer, placing a hand over the blonde's shaky one. She squeezed gently.

"What happened?" she asked gently.

"He hit her. I-I thought I was going to fucking kill him. This proved what I was saying all along. He was no good for her!" Her voice cracked as the tears spilled over. "You know, I love the law, but sometimes I fucking hate it. It took that to finally be able to prove that he was a threat to her. He was never good for her to begin with. Jesus, the shit that that child has seen...I tried to shield her from it, but she's still seen so much-"

Finally Alex couldn't hold in the sobs. Her voice hitched in her throat and when Olivia wrapped her arms around her, she sobbed in her shoulder. Even as the hurt and pain washed over her, she felt relieved. It was nice to finally be able to tell someone about everything that had been going on. She felt naked now, but she knew the woman would be nothing but supportive.

Olivia held her close, stroking her hair and whispering soothing words in her ear. When the sobs finally began subsiding, Olivia handed Alex the tissue box from the counter.

"Thanks."

"So what happens now?"

Alex hiccoughed.

"We charge him and try and keep him in jail as long as possible while I get his rights stripped as a parent. I don't think it'll be hard. There's just so much evidence now."

Olivia nodded quietly and pushed a stray strand of hair from the blonde's face. Alex looked down at her fingers for several moments before looking the brunette in the eyes.

"I'm so sorry Olivia-"

"I know."

"No. Let me finish. I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt. I know we were starting to get close and I'm sorry I had to push you away. I felt like I had no other choice. I knew you'd want to protect me and I couldn't let you get too close to what was going on."

"Why not? I could have helped."

"I know you would have wanted to but I needed to do things my way. And you wouldn't have liked my rules."

Olivia didn't say anything. They both knew she was right.

"There had to have been another way."

"I know. But this seemed like the easiest and safest way for Emma. I was always around when she was in that house so I was never fearful for her life. But I was worried if we went another way that she would end up in the system, away from me, from my ability to protect her. And we all know what sorts of abuse go on in the system, in those foster homes. I was not going to risk it."

The room fell quiet for several more moments, Olivia watching Alex as the blonde played with her fingers.

"I'm sorry about your cheek."

"Don't be. I've been hit worse."

Alex bit her lip but said nothing else.

"You should try to get some sleep."

"I don't know if I can at this point."

"Do you want something to help you sleep?"

She immediately shook her head.

"No."

She did not want anything that would inhibit her ability to react properly. If something happened, she wanted to be alert and able to think clearly. She doubted anything would while Olivia was around, but her life with Jeff had drilled certain things into her mind, and this was one of them.

"Okay. I'll try to get some sleep."

Olivia helped her get up and walked her to the bedroom. She stopped at the door and hesitated before finally pulling her into a hug.

"I'm here for you- whatever you need. You're safe now, okay?"

"Thank you." She whispered.

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Sooooo what did you think? Lemme know! :)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hey guys! Thank you soo much for the reviews! I love reading them :). This chapter is kind of angsty and is kind of emotional. Just warning you ahead of time that it's kind of heavy. Hope you like it anyways though.

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The next morning, Olivia was awoken to the sound of soft pitter-patter across her floor. She had purposefully left the door to the spare room open so that she could hear the other two wake up. She smiled when she saw a small face peek inside.

"Bonjour."

She said to the child. She still didn't know if she spoke English so Olivia relied on the very few French words she did know. She made a mental note to ask Alex where she had learned the language. Just as she had thought about her, the blonde walked by her room. She doubled back and peered inside, frowning.

"You have a spare room?"

"Good morning to you too."

She said as she stretched. Alex chuckled.

"Sorry. I'm just- why didn't you get us to sleep in here?"

"Because my bed is bigger and much more comfortable."

"Really? Well I'm glad you think I'm worthy of the comfortable bed."

This time it was Olivia's turn to chuckle. She missed this. She missed the bantering side of the blonde.

"You're worthy of much more counselor."

Alex smiled shyly and was saved from having to reply when Emma squeezed her side.

"Hi honey."

Alex kissed the top of her head. The little girl smiled up at her and said hello.

"I meant to ask you, does she understand English?"

Alex ran her fingers through the baby-soft blonde hair. She looked down at her daughter and said something in French. The girl looked up at her and gave a small smile. She nodded.

"Tell her."

"Yes. I speak English."

"Hey! There you go!"

The girl broke into a grin before hiding her face in Alex's thigh.

"Alright, if you guys give me a second, I'll get dressed and join you in the kitchen so we can have breakfast."

Alex raised an eyebrow.

"You naked under there detective?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

Alex chuckled as she led her daughter to the kitchen. Although Olivia was dressed enough that nothing really showed, she still felt naked in her tank top and boxers. She slipped into her room and threw on a pair of pants and changed her shirt.

When she walked into the kitchen, she found her two guests sitting at the island.

"For an apartment, your kitchen is surprisingly big."

"Yeah, it was the selling point. I love this kitchen."

"I take it you spend a lot of time in here then?"

"When I have the time I do. I love to cook."

"Good. Then you can make us breakfast."

Olivia chuckled.

"I think you just turned that around on me."

Alex grinned as she turned to the small girl sitting next to her.

"And you madame, what would you like?"

"Du pain doré!"

"In English please. Olivia doesn't speak French."

The little girl nodded and turned hesitantly to Olivia.

"French toast?"

"Sure. Is that what you'd like too?"

"Yeah. Please."

Olivia noted the slight change in the blonde's mood but didn't mention it. It wasn't uncommon anymore for her to have mood swings. Instead of paying attention to it, she began preparing their breakfast. When she presented them with their plates, both mother and daughter laughed. Olivia had had used whipped cream and fruit to make funny faces on their French toast.

"Regarde maman! It's a clown!"

"Yeah. It's funny eh?"

"Yes."

As the girl dug into her breakfast, Alex turned to Olivia and gave her a smile that shone up to her eyes.

"Thank you."

The brunette returned the smile and nodded, pleased that she could put a smile on both their faces.

After breakfast, Alex went to clear the table but Olivia stopped her.

"Hey, you're my guest. I'll do them."

"You made breakfast." She countered.

"That I did. You can show your appreciation now by letting me do the dishes."

Alex rolled her eyes and handed the plates over.

"Thank you."

"Don't look so smug. I let you win that one."

"Mm-hmm. But I won so well."

Alex shook her head as she chuckled. Olivia smiled back at her.

"It's good to see your smile again Alex. I've missed it."

The blonde blushed slightly, not answering. After a few seconds she looked back at Olivia.

"Do you mind if I go take a shower?"

A little disappointed that she changed the subject, Olivia just shook her head.

"No. Go ahead. The towels and everything are in the linen closet in the bathroom. Grab what you need."

"Thanks."

She heard Alex head towards the bathroom, stopping briefly to talk with Emma. A few minutes later, she heard the shower start. She was just finishing her last dish when the little girl entered the kitchen. She gripped the doorframe and watched Olivia carefully. Figuring the little girl was trying to figure out if she was safe or not, Olivia moved slowly. Finally the child approached and climbed onto the chair at the island of the kitchen. She sat and observed her for another couple of minutes before starting to talk.

"Olivia?"

"Yes sweetie?"

"What's going to happen now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're a cop."

"Yes." Olivia didn't understand what the girl was getting to.

"Are you going to arrest us? I mean, that's why we're here isn't it? You're going to bring us to jail later?"

Olivia stopped wiping down the counters and turned to the girl.

"Oh God honey, no. You guys are here so I can keep you safe. We put bad people in jail, not little girls like you."

Olivia could see the scepticism.

"What makes you think we were going to put you in jail?"

"Because..."

Olivia got a little closer to the counter and softened her voice even more.

"Because why honey?"

"Because I hated him. And because I asked God to kill him or make him go away and never come back. I shouldn't have thought bad things like that. Bad things make you go to jail."

Olivia could feel her heart breaking for the girl.

"Emma, it's okay to think things like that about someone who is hurting your family. Everyone understands why you thought things like that. I'm glad too he's never coming back. You have nothing to worry about, okay? Just because you thought bad things, doesn't make you a bad person okay? It's not going to make you go to jail."

The girl stayed silent for a second.

"Sometimes I hate God too. I hate him because he's supposed to protect us but he doesn't. He never did. He didn't protect my first mom and he didn't protect my mom now. I hate him for letting those things happen to her. And I hate him for letting those things happen to me. I just hate him!"

Olivia stepped closer and placed a hand on the girls back as she broke down. The girl wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and gripped her tight as she sobbed in her shoulder.

"It's okay baby. Let it out. You're safe now."

The girl cried and cried until she couldn't anymore. When Olivia pulled back, she tucked the girl's hair behind her ears and handed her a tissue. After the girl calmed, Olivia got at her eye level and looked her right in the eyes.

"Listen to me Emma. You have seen things that no little girl should see. And you know things that no little girl should know. I know that your life has been hard, and that you've been scared, but you don't have to worry anymore. You're safe now, I promise. You and your mom are not going to jail. Your dad is the one who's going to jail for a very very long time. He's not going to bother you or your mom anymore, okay? You guys are safe now."

"So, you're not going to put my mom in jail? Even though she said she wanted dad to pay for everything he did? And that she hoped he died?"

"No. Your mom is not going to jail."

"Do you mean it? You're not going to take her away?"

Olivia squeezed her shoulder.

"I mean it honey. And no, she's staying right here with you."

The girl nodded._ God kid. What the hell have you been through?_ She tucked the girl's bangs behind her ear and smiled.

"Thank you Olivia. Thank you for saving my mom yesterday. I think...I think he was going to kill her."

"What makes you think that?"

The girl paused.

"He found her diary. He found the pictures."

"What pictures?"

"I don't know. But it was bad. I heard him on the phone. He said he was going to kill her. He was going..."

The girl started shaking, the tears spilling down her face. Olivia cupped her face.

"Listen honey, whatever was going to happen, it didn't. And it won't. You have nothing to worry about anymore, okay?"

She nodded shakily.

"Come on. Let's go watch a movie."

The girl gave a small smile.

"Okay." She whispered.

Olivia grabbed the very few Disney movies she had from the shelf and placed them in front of Emma. When the girl made her choice, Olivia turned on the VCR and popped the tape inside. She frowned when she saw the time appear on the screen. It was almost quarter after eleven. That meant Alex had been in the shower over 45 minutes. Olivia glanced back at the clock hanging on her wall. It read the same time. She pressed play and told the girl she'd be right back. Emma smiled at her and turned her attention to the television.

As Olivia made her way down the hall, she noticed the shower was no longer running. She quietly approached the bathroom but couldn't hear anything. She glanced towards the bedroom but saw that it was empty. She knocked quietly on the door. No answer.

"Alex?"

She heard the blonde clearing her throat.

"Just a second!"

Olivia could hear the tremor in her voice.

"Alex open the door."

She shook the doorknob to emphasize her point. She heard some movement and finally the door lock clicked. As Olivia opened the door, Alex backed away from her. She was wrapped in the brunette's bathrobe and it was obvious that she had been crying.

"Alex what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"Don't bullshit me."

The blonde still said nothing.

"Come on Alex. Don't hide from me now. Not after everything that has happened." She approached the blonde and forced her to look her in the eye. "Come on, tell me. I want you to let me help you."

She could see the blonde's resolve melting.

"Please?"

That did it. Alex's shoulders dropped and she looked away.

"I'm embarrassed. And ashamed."

"You have nothing to be ashamed about Alex. I'm not going to judge you."

"I don't want you to see-"

"Show me." She prodded gently.

Alex bit her bottom lip before starting.

"Those bandages you saw me wearing yesterday... I had to take them off to shower but I can't-"

Her voice faltered but she didn't need to continue. Olivia understood. She grabbed the new packages of gauze and opened them, carefully placing them on the counter. Alex hesitated one last time before slowly opening the robe. When Olivia saw the damage, she gasped.

"Jesus."

Alex immediately went to jerk it closed but Olivia shook her head and stopped her with her hand.

"I'm sorry."

She approached Alex and got down on her knees. Her torso looked like a herd of elephants wielding knives had trampled across it. There was barely a spot that wasn't covered in bruises or scrapes. There were a lot of fresh ones, but she could also make out a lot of faded ones. As gently as she could, Olivia began bandaging the wounds. She tried to fight the tears as thoughts of what Alex had been going through these past months flooded her mind. She couldn't help the anger she felt towards Alex for putting herself through this. She could have been killed, or worse. In Olivia's line of work she knew that sometimes the dead were the better off.

She worked around the bottom of Alex's bra, apologizing when she grazed the blonde's breast. She had heard her suck in a breath of air and had mistaken it as a gasp of pain. Alex was not going to correct her. Finally Olivia finished the last piece and was about to stand when Alex slipped off her robe and turned around.

Even though she didn't say anything, Alex could feel the hurt and anger radiating off of the brunette. But she never said a word. She bandaged her back just as carefully as she had bandaged the front. This woman, God...where did Alex even begin? She was so strong, and so tough, and she could take down a man twice her size with her strength, but she was also the most gentle person Alex knew. She was so caring, and loving, and Alex knew that there was a point in her life where she had been in love with her. Hell, who was she kidding? She was still in love with her. Once upon a time they had been dancing around a relationship, until Alex came to her senses and realized she couldn't do it. She had hurt Olivia, she knew it, but she had no choice. She wasn't being fair to the brunette and she knew she was deceiving her because she was technically with Jeff. She shuddered and felt Olivia yank her hands away.

"I'm sorry."

"No it's-" she cleared her throat as her voice broke. "it's not you."

_-Well, it is and it isn't._ But she wasn't about to clarify.

Olivia went back to her ministrations and if it was even possible, she did it even more carefully. Alex couldn't remember the last time she felt someone being so gentle with her. It had been so long she had almost forgotten how good it felt.

"Okay."

Olivia got up but refused to meet Alex's eyes. The blonde would have none of that and forced her to. When she saw the brown eyes pooled in tears, Alex's heart broke. She stepped forward and pulled Olivia in her arms. The brunette carefully put her arms around her and held her close.

"I'm so sorry Alex."

The younger woman rested her head on her shoulder and sighed.

"You have nothing to apologize for Olivia. I'm a grown woman. I made my own decisions."

She knew she had struck a nerve when she felt the detective stiffen beneath her. Olivia was straddling the fence between anger and hurt and it only took that one sentence to get her to switch emotions.

Alex pulled away and looked Olivia in the eyes. She could see the anger in them.

"What is it?"

The brunette refused to answer her.

"You made me talk to you. Now talk to me."

"You're not going to like it."

"Tough."

"I'm angry with you Alex. I'm hurt and angry."

"I know that. Tell me."

"I'm so angry and I hate what you did."

Alex took a step back as the detective began pacing the room.

"I hate what you did. That was so stupid. What the hell were you thinking? You could have gotten yourself killed! And you didn't tell me. Never once did you tell me what was going on. You know, I thought we were getting close. I thought we were friends. And you hid it all from me."

Alex could see the hurt in her eyes and it killed her.

"I'm sorry Liv. I really am. But we both know you would have stopped me. Or you would have confronted him like you did yesterday and I couldn't have that. I had to make him believe that I loved him and I wanted to be with him."

"Did you love him? Did what we had mean anything to you?"

"Olivia, I hated that man. I couldn't stand him." She approached the brunette carefully. "You meant everything to me. You still do."

Olivia looked up then and saw Alex's eyes. They were filled with just as much hurt as she felt.

"Then why? Why did you lead me on when you had no intention of going through with it?"

Alex watched as the tears slipped down Olivia's face and bit her bottom lip to keep from crying herself.

"Because I needed you Olivia. I wanted you. I never had the intention to let it go as far as it did but it felt good knowing someone cared. I never had the intention of not going through with it either but things got complicated."

"Don't give me that Alex. I always cared. I cared a lot."

"And now?"

"As much as it kills me, and as much as I fight it, I still care. Even if I wish I didn't."

With that, Olivia left the apartment- leaving Alex to stare after her with tears streaming down her cheeks.

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**Thanks for reading! Lemme know what you thought :)**


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: So here's the sixth chapter for you guys!! It has much more cuteness in it and there's more to come I promise. Thanks to those who reviewed.. they make my day!

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"Maman? What's wrong with Olivia? Why is she angry? Why was she crying?"

"Nothing baby. We just had an argument."

"You had a fight?"

"No, just a discussion. Olivia is just gone for a walk."

"Is she coming back?"

"Of course she's coming back. She just needs time to calm down. Don't worry honey. It's good that she went for a walk to calm down. Just like you need a few minutes to calm down after you get angry, right?"

The little girl nodded.

"There. You have nothing to worry about." Alex sat on the couch and forced a smile as her little girl crawled over to cuddle with her. She hoped she was right and that there was nothing to worry about.

It took a couple of hours but when Olivia finally came back, Alex felt relieved. Not that she _really_ thought she wouldn't come back, but she was glad she actually got home. Emma greeted her happily and Olivia returned the greeting. The two women exchanged glances. Alex saw that Olivia was still a little upset, but it was obvious that she had calmed down considerably. However, the blonde could tell this wasn't over. Olivia was still hurt and she knew she had every reason to be. The way Alex had treated her...

"You guys hungry? I brought lunch." Olivia interrupted Alex's thoughts.

Emma jumped up at the mention of food and nodded happily.

"What's for lunch?"

"For you little missy, I brought chicken fingers and french fries."

She handed the smaller bag to the girl. She smiled up at her but also noticed that there was only one other bag. Olivia saw the smile falter slightly but the girl managed to mask whatever had passed over her features and smiled again. She turned around and headed over to Alex. She opened her bag and divided the food in two portions.

"Honey, that's your lunch."

The girl sent a glance in Olivia's direction before turning to her mom and saying something in French. Alex smiled and cupped her daughter's face as she kissed her forehead.

"What's wrong?"

The girl turned to her and gave her a look.

"I want my mom to eat too. I'm sharing my food or I'm not eating either."

She replied, crossing her arms. Olivia frowned.

"Don't worry kiddo. I brought your mom something to eat too. I didn't forget about her."

The girl regarded her carefully before nodding slowly.

"Okay."

The older woman put the bag on the coffee table and slipped in the kitchen. She could hear the girl questioning her mom, but couldn't understand anything. It was starting to drive her crazy that she couldn't understand what they were talking about. It didn't bother her at first but now, when she wanted information, it did. Why would she think she wouldn't bring Alex something to eat as well? Was it because she knew she was angry with the blonde? Olivia would never do that. She wouldn't deny someone something, especially something as important as food, just because she was angry with them.

...But maybe Jeff would. That thought made Olivia freeze in her tracks. Is that why? Jesus, what the hell had he done to her?

"Olivia?"

The woman gasped loudly.

"Jesus Alex. You scared the shit out of me."

The blonde smiled.

"Sorry."

Olivia took advantage of the alone time and decided to question Alex.

"Alex what just happened in there? What would make her think I wasn't going to bring you something as well?"

"I don't know."

"Don't bullshit me Alex. I know you're lying. Why can't you just be honest for once? Stop lying to me."

She sighed.

"Look. She knows things she shouldn't and she can't help the little slips that happen like that. It's nothing, just ignore it."

"No. I'm glad she does because it gives me an idea of what happened to you Alex. I don't want to just ignore it. I want to know. I want you to talk to me about it."

"You might know soon enough."

"What do you mean?"

She sighed and traced a finger on the counter.

"If we take him to court."

"Jesus Alex I don't want to hear about this shit in a courtroom. I want to hear it from you. I want you to be the one to tell me these things. You've changed so much Alex. I don't know if you noticed, but I have."

"How have I changed? I'm still the same old me."

Olivia shook her head.

"No, you're not."

"How have I changed then?"

"Everything. When someone gets too close to you, you're immediately on the defensive. You flinch, you duck, you tense up when people surprise you, especially men. I see when they lean too close to you, you're uncomfortable. And it's not even that. You have mood swings. You're depressed. You're distracted all the time. Even when you're working you're distracted."

"That's bullshit Liv. I still do my job."

"I'm not saying that you don't Alex. In that respect you're still the best prosecutor we've ever had. But in every other one, you're different. He's changed you."

She added quietly. Alex was angry. She hadn't changed. Sure, men made her uneasy but then again she'd never been 100% at ease with them to begin with. It was just that now she was having a harder time masking that uneasiness. But she was still the same old Alex. She was still passionate, she was still driven, she was still determined to prosecute every criminal that was brought to her and she was still in love with Olivia.

Wait.

_-Oh thank God I didn't say that out loud_.

She was saved from having to answer whatever Olivia had just asked her when Emma called out to her.

"Coming honey!"

As she turned, Olivia reached out and held her in place.

"We're not done this conversation."

Alex sighed and went to the living room to find her daughter.

Alex lay Emma down in the bed and tucked her in tight. She gave her little girl a kiss on the forehead and made her way back to the living room. She was dreading this. She knew Olivia would want to talk and there was no way to avoid it. If this conversation didn't happen tonight, it would be at another moment and she knew that the brunette would not rest until she knew. She'd hoped the talk they had the day before, her being as honest as possible would have satisfied her urge to know, but Alex should have known better. Olivia would not be happy until she knew the whole truth.

Alex made her way into the living room and found Olivia already seated on the couch. She sat next to her but didn't initiate the conversation. After all, she didn't even want to have it. Olivia didn't start it either, not until a few minutes had passed.

"I want to see your diary."

Alex firmly shook her head.

"No."

"I want to see it Alex. You're still hiding things from me and I know I'm not going to get any real answers out of you. You're filtering everything and I don't want you to do that."

"Olivia, why the hell do you think I'm filtering everything? I don't want you to know everything! I want to pick and choose what you know, or at least what you hear from me. I can't control what you'll hear from them."

Olivia knew what she was talking about: she would hear the rest at the trial.

"What is with that Alex? You don't care about telling the world your business but you won't tell me?"

Alex could tell the brunette was hurt.

"It's not like that Liv. It's…"

"It's what Alex?"

"Your opinion matters to me. Your opinion _of_ me matters to me. I can't control what you will or won't hear in that courtroom, but I can at least control what you hear from me."

"What are you afraid of?" she asked, softening her voice.

"What you'll think of me. How you'll judge me. How you'll look at me after…and not like what you see."

Olivia tucked the strands of hair that fell out from behind Alex's ear when she looked away. The fear and hurt in her voice melted away the anger she felt. She then guided the blonde's eyes back towards her own.

"I would never judge you. I've had a lot of time to think…and I know you did what you had to do. Or what you felt like you had to do. I don't like it, in fact I hate it, but I can understand." The blonde nodded at her comment. "And for the record, I could never not like what I see Alex."

The blonde felt her heart jump at the words. She was still so in love with this woman and those words…they gave her hope. Maybe? Was Olivia still interested?

The brunette hadn't broken their gaze and was still holding Alex's chin with her fingertips. She tried to say everything with her eyes that she couldn't form into words. She searched Alex's eyes. God she wanted to kiss this woman but she didn't want to rush her. She was still so hurt. When Alex brought herself a bit closer, she hoped that was a hint. She took it as one and pressed her lips to the blonde's.

When Olivia's lips met hers, Alex practically sobbed in relief. She pulled the brunette to her and they kissed softly. Her body craved more contact, but she missed the small touches. She missed the way this woman would softly caress her lips with her own, then pull away slightly to run her tongue along Alex's lower lip to request entrance. As if reading her thoughts, Olivia ran her tongue along Alex's lips. The blonde did not hesitate in opening her mouth and groaned when the brunette's tongue made contact with hers.

Olivia switched their positions so Alex was sitting on her lap. She liked this position not only because it gave her great access to the blonde's breasts, as she remembered, but also because she knew she wouldn't crush her this way. She began making small circles with her thumbs on the blonde's hips. She remembered that this drove Alex crazy and she was pleased when she felt the woman in question begin stirring in her lap.

Alex groaned again as she felt Olivia's fingers digging into her hips. She remembered how Olivia liked to tease her for ages before actually touching her. Not that she could say she minded all that much because the brunette would bring her places no one had ever been able to before. Never in her life had anyone made her beg, no one. Until Olivia.

She felt her heartbeat get faster when Olivia began guiding her fingers upwards. She was startled when Olivia ripped her hands away like she'd been burned. Alex immediately pulled back and searched the brown eyes before her. They were searching hers in fear.

"Honey what's wrong?"

"No, we can't do this."

Alex stiffened her legs when she felt Olivia was about to pull away.

"Don't move. You're not going to run away. Why can't we do this?"

Olivia didn't answer. Instead, she pulled up Alex's top and felt the tears well up in her eyes at the sight of the bandages. She shook her head and pulled the blonde in her arms, letting the tears flow freely.

"God Alex…what the hell did he do to you all that time? Why didn't you tell me-"

The brunette's voice cracked and she let go of the sob she was holding in. Alex's heart broke. _I'm so sorry Olivia._ She held the brunette close as she felt the sobs rack her body.

"Shh. It's okay Liv."

She kissed the brunette's forehead and waited until she calmed. Once she did, she pulled away and wiped the fallen tears. Olivia refused to meet her eyes but Alex would have none of that.

"Look at me Olivia. Look at me."

The brunette slowly looked at her.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

Alex shook her head.

"I'm glad you did. Thank you for letting go. I know you like to keep things to yourself but I'm glad you didn't this time. You're still my big tough cop Olivia, but I like it when you show me this side of you too."

Not that she didn't show emotion, she did: she was happy, hyper, loving, cuddly, every emotion but those she deemed weak with her. She didn't cry often with Alex, even when the blonde knew she needed to. She didn't want Alex to think she was weak. But how could she? Olivia was the strongest person she knew.

"I don't think you're a wuss, okay? You need to cry."

"You always tell me that."

"Because I keep hoping that one day it'll sink into the thick skull of yours."

Olivia chuckled and pulled Alex close again. The blonde went willingly, burying her nose in her neck and placing a gentle kiss there. Olivia sighed and wrapped her arms around her.

"God I've missed you Alex. I've missed you so much."

"I know. I missed you too Liv. I missed you holding me. I missed…"

"You missed what?"

_-Feeling safe._

"I just missed you."

Olivia held her tight and kissed her collarbone. Alex ran her fingers through the short brown locks and smiled. God had she ever missed Olivia. She felt so safe with this woman. She knew nothing bad could happen to her as long as she was around and she would be damned if she was ever going to let that feeling go again. She stayed in her arms until she sensed a change in Olivia. When she pulled away, the brunette was playing with the edge of her shirt.

"I won't press the issue Alex- I just hope one day you can trust me enough to tell me what really happened."

Alex sighed. She was still hoping she'd show her her diary. It wasn't that she didn't trust her, hell she trusted Olivia with her life, it was that she didn't want the brunette to have those images or that knowledge in her mind because she knew she'd never be able to erase them.

"I trust you with my life Olivia. I'm just not ready for you to know these things. And I'm not sure you are either."

She pressed a kiss to the brunette's forehead and got up. She held out her hand and helped Olivia up.

"Come on, let's go to bed."

Alex led the way to the spare room and told Olivia to get into bed.

"I just want to check in on Emma."

A few minutes later, the blonde re-entered the room and slipped under the covers. Olivia smiled when she realized Alex was only in a tank top and shorts.

"How is Emma?"

"Still sleeping soundly."

"Is she going to be okay in the other room by herself?"

"She'll be fine. I left the door open and I won't close this one so that when she wakes up she'll see us here."

Alex snuggled into Olivia as she spooned her. The brunette tugged her closer until her face was buried in the back of her neck. Alex tangled her legs in Olivia's and wrapped her arms around her stomach. She wanted to get as much physical contact as she could get. She hadn't touched this woman in months and she was determined to get as close to her as possible.

"I think if I were any closer to you I'd be inside of you." Olivia stated.

The room got quiet as both women realized how that sounded.

"I didn't mean…"

Alex laughed.

"Don't even try to save yourself after that one. You'll just dig yourself deeper."

Olivia laughed in her neck.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Olivia smiled and kissed Alex's exposed back.

"Good night baby."

"Good night Liv."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: So because I kept getting really kind reviews I thought I'd be kind back and post this as soon as I could. Thank you guys so much for the nice words!! It encourages me and helps to assure me that my writing doesn't blow lol. I've pretty much ended the story now (not with this chapter.. I mean I finished this story on my computer lol) so you should be getting pretty regular updates from now on. Take care guys and thanks for reading!!! :)

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The next morning, Olivia woke to find that somehow during the night they had changed positions. Alex was curled into her shoulder and her right hand was cupping the crook of Olivia's neck. The brunette smiled down at the small body in her arms. She moved a few choice strands out of Alex's face and couldn't help the swell of love that ran through her as she looked at this woman. All she wanted to do was wrap her arms around her and squeeze her as tight as she could. She knew she couldn't so instead she settled for wrapping her arms around her waist and admiring her striking features. God she was so beautiful. Olivia had trouble concentrating when Alex was talking because she was so busy just staring at her.

She looked up when she saw movement coming from the doorway. Emma was leaning against the doorframe and eyeing her carefully. Olivia smiled up at her and placed a finger on her lips, telling the girl not to make any noise. She carefully pulled herself from Alex's grasp and made her way out of the room. She closed the door behind her and led the girl to the living room.

"Hi honey. Are you okay?"

"Yes."

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yes thank you."

The girl's stomach growled and Olivia laughed.

"I guess that's why you woke up eh?"

The girl nodded.

"I'm hungry."

"What would you like for breakfast?"

The girl shrugged.

"Should we make your mom breakfast?"

The girl looked at her hesitantly.

"Why?"

"Because I think your mom would like it if we made her breakfast."

The girl still didn't look convinced.

"What's wrong honey?"

"What happened last night?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did you hurt my mom?"

"No, of course not. What makes you think that?"

"Because you're saying sorry." The girl must have seen the confusion on Olivia's face because she continued. "This breakfast, it's to say sorry isn't it?"

"Oh honey no. This breakfast is not to say sorry. I just think it is a good idea."

"Why?"

"Because people like it when you do nice things for them. I think this would be something nice for your mom."

The girl seemed like she was having a hard time understanding the concept.

"Did your dad only do nice things for your mom when he hurt her?"

The girl nodded slowly.

"Sometimes he would do nice things. He would do nice things when he hurt her really bad. Or he ignored her the next day but he acted mean. He looked mean. That's how I could tell."

Olivia rubbed the girl's shoulder and gave her a small smile.

"Well, let's change that. Let's do something nice for your mom because she deserves it, okay? Because she's a great mom."

The girl smiled widely.

"Okay."

She followed Olivia in the kitchen and they immediately began cooking. Olivia was just in the middle of finishing up the eggs when she heard Emma call out "mom." She turned and found the blonde wrapped in her bathrobe, hugging her daughter. She said good morning to the girl before turning to Olivia. She approached her and smiled.

"You look good in my robe."

She smiled. "Thanks."

"Wow, you guys went all out."

"Yeah."

"Look mom! I made the faces on the pancakes today and I buttered the toast."

Alex broke into a grin at the sheer proud expression on her daughter's face.

"Wow honey. These are really nice smiley faces."

"Thanks!" she smiled up at her.

"Olivia said this is a thank you breakfast and not a sorry breakfast. Thank you for being such a good mom."

Emma squeezed her leg tight. Alex felt the emotions well up inside at her daughter's sincerity and forced them back down inside of her. She was really getting entirely too emotional lately.

"Thank you honey. I'm happy to be your mom. It's my favourite job."

The girl grinned at her.

"Good. I'm going to go and get dressed now so we can eat."

She hopped off the chair and Alex chuckled. After her daughter left the room, she made her way to Olivia and slipped her arms around her waist.

"Hi."

Olivia rested a hand on the ones around her middle and squeezed them gently.

"Hi. Did you sleep well?"

"Mmm, yes. I missed you this morning though." She said, placing a kiss on Olivia's shoulder.

"Your daughter was hungry so we decided to make you breakfast."

She turned off the burner and moved the eggs onto another element. She turned to face the blonde and pulled her into her arms.

"That was nice of you."

"Nice enough to merit a kiss?"

"Definitely."

Alex tilted her head slightly and captured the brunette's lips. Olivia moaned in her mouth and tightened her grip on her waist. Alex slipped her tongue inside her mouth and immediately sought out Olivia's. When they met, they began dancing furiously against one another. Alex could feel her lungs begin to constrict but she didn't care, this felt too damn good.

"Are you two almost done kissing? I'm hungry."

Alex jerked away and stared in horror as her daughter smiled up at her.

"Hi mom."

"Emma, jeez. You scared me."

"Sorry. Can we eat now?"

Olivia chuckled.

"My kind of girl."

She reached over and grabbed a plate from the cupboard.

"What did you want m'dear?"

"Everything!"

"Everything what?" Alex interjected.

"Everything please!"

Olivia gave a short laugh and piled a little of everything into the girl's plate. She handed her the plate and then handed Alex one before grabbing one for herself. They piled food onto their plates and quickly began tearing into their breakfast.

After they ate, they made their way into the living room. Olivia put on a movie and took out a puzzle for Emma to do so she could have some alone time to talk with Alex.

"So what are you doing today?"

"I have to meet with Chris today."

"The lawyer you're working with right?"

"Yeah."

"What do you have to do?"

"Well, he still has to go over some statements with me and we need to discuss what happened with Emma. He's going to add that into the case." She got quiet for a second. "You know, as much as it helps us it's just not worth it. If only I had-"

"Don't. Don't Alex. Don't beat yourself up over this, okay? What's done is done. Emma is a strong girl and she's extremely resilient. She will get through this and so will you."

Alex shook her head.

"I should have left sooner. I shouldn't have waited so long. If I had left earlier, that never would have happened."

Olivia pulled her into her arms. She didn't know exactly what had happened, only that Emma had gotten between the crossfire and Jeff had hit her. And from what she understood it hadn't even been accidental.

She stroked Alex's cheek and placed a soft kiss on her temple.

"Don't worry baby. She's okay."

Alex sighed and wrapped her arms around Olivia's middle.

"I hope so. I just feel so damn guilty."

"You're bringing her to talk to someone aren't you?"

"Yes. I already did."

"What did they say?"

"That she was scared and didn't want to go back to her father's house. Not that that's anything new. She never wanted to go back there."

"Well, now she doesn't have to. It only happened once and she's most likely going to forget it. She's scared of him but she has nothing to worry about because that son of a bitch is going to jail for a very long time."

"I hope so."

"He will. I wouldn't let him get anywhere near you two anyway."

She reinforced her statement by squeezing Alex's shoulder.

"I know. I love that about you. How protective you are."

Olivia placed a soft kiss on her lips and Alex smiled warmly at her.

"What time are you meeting Chris at?"

"At two."

Olivia looked up at the clock. It was now noon.

"You should start getting ready."

"I know."

"What are you doing with Emma?"

"I was going to bring her with me."

"And she's going to do what? Stare at the four walls?"

"Well what else am I supposed to do?" she asked defensively.

"Hey, I just meant that she'll be bored there. Why don't you leave her with me?"

Alex turned to her.

"Well no. I'm not going to make you watch her."

"You're not making me do anything. I volunteered."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am. We'll have a good time."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Anytime."

Alex turned to Emma.

"Honey? I'm going to see Chris today. You remember my lawyer?" the girl nodded. "Well I have to go see him today. I'll be gone a few hours but I'll be coming back. I'm going to leave you with Olivia if that's alright. Or would you rather come to the office? It's not going to be fun I'm warning you."

"You can stay here with me if you want kiddo. I don't mind the company."

Emma seemed to consider it.

"I think I'll stay here with Olivia."

"Okay. I'm going to start getting ready now."

The girl nodded and turned back to her puzzle. Olivia moved from the couch and onto the floor. Emma smiled at her and pushed the box of puzzle pieces closer to her.

"This puzzle has a lot of pieces. I hope you know what you're getting into."

Olivia laughed and the girl grinned at her.

"Ah Emma you're too cute."

The girl giggled.

"I know." She replied, fishing through the box for another piece.

Alex re-entered the room about an hour later, showered, dressed, and ready for her meeting.

"Alright my girl, I'll see you in a few hours."

The girl got up and raced to her mom. She jumped in her arms and gave her a tight hug. Alex hugged her back and gave her a quick kiss before putting her down. She then grabbed her jacket and keys and turned to Olivia.

"I'll call you when I'm on my way home- I mean, back here, in case you guys went out."

Olivia got up and made her way to the wall unit and pulled open a cupboard. She grabbed her spare set of keys and handed them to Alex.

"Here. Now you don't have to depend on us."

"Oh no it's okay."

"Alex, just take the damn keys."

Olivia reached out and turned the blonde's hand palm up. She dropped the keys in her hand and closed her fingers over them.

"What time are you thinking of coming home?"

"I don't know. Around six probably. Is that okay?"

"That's fine. Take as much time as you need. You don't need to run it by me. If you're going to be late, call and let me know okay? So that I don't sit here panicking and wondering if you're okay."

Alex chuckled because she knew that's exactly what would happen.

"Okay. I'll see you later then."

As she turned, Emma piped up.

"No kiss for Olivia?"

Olivia grinned. _Man I love that kid._

Alex stopped and turned to Olivia and chuckled when she saw the shit-eating grin on her face. It wasn't that the blonde didn't want to kiss her, hell she desperately wanted to kiss her goodbye, she just didn't know how her daughter would handle it if she did. Although she did seem okay this morning. And the fact that her daughter had suggested it just now told her she was fine with it. _Good._

Alex reached out and cupped the back of Olivia's neck. She brought her lips to her own and kissed her soundly. Before Olivia could really react, Alex pulled away.

"See you tonight."

With that, she left leaving Olivia to stare off after her.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Hey guys... I'm really sorry I didn't update this earlier. I meant to send this a few days ago but life has been so ridiculously busy lately I barely have time to breathe!!! I failed an exam ... well, two (I felt really stupid too.. first time I've ever failed an exam... and I fail two!) but one doesn't count since it was like... a tester. That was an awesome time because now I have to do a retake (not complaining too much, at least I get to retake it!) but it's been hell trying to find the time to write it. I have class from 9-2:30, and here they have "siesta" which basically means the city shuts down for three hours.. (literally, nothing is open and no one works-except like the grocery stores) then I teach English classes in the afternoon so all the times the guy offered, I couldn't write it! So I spoke to him and we finally found a time that's convenient but now my italian teacher decided she's giving an afternoon class.... that's right! Right at the time I want to write my exam!!! Bahhhh! but on the plus side: I'm going to "Palma de Mallorca" today!!!!!!!!!!! (It's a tiny island just off of Spain) It's a much needed vacation. I'll try to enjoy it and not think of the fact that I have 948903 bazillion things to do when I get home!

Alright, sorry for blabbing your ears off. lol Enjoy! :) and have a good weekend!!

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Olivia was just getting up from the couch when she heard a key turn in the lock. She shifted Emma positions so that when Alex walked in she could give her a quick kiss. Alex walked in the door and shot Olivia an apologetic look.

"I'm really sorry Liv."

"No need to apologize. I'm glad to see you."

She gave Alex a kiss and when she pulled away, the blonde rested her hand on her daughter's head.

"When did she fall asleep?"

"About an hour ago."

Although Olivia could have put her to bed, she liked holding the small child. It wasn't often she got to cuddle with kids, especially since there weren't really any in her life. She had Elliot's kids, but they were getting past the point where they liked to cuddle with her. When they started their movie, Emma approached her slowly and when Olivia held out her arms the girl grinned and jumped into them. She settled in her lap and they hadn't moved from the couch.

Alex moved the girl's hair out of her face and kissed her cheek. She then followed Olivia down the hall and into her bedroom. Alex made her way to the dresser and opened the drawer that Olivia had cleared out for her. She pulled out her pajamas and began changing.

Olivia's eyes grew wide when she noticed Alex was now without a top. She saw that the blonde no longer had bandages on but she shook her head before she started staring. She pulled the blanket over the child and quickly left the room.

Alex joined her in the living room a few minutes later. Olivia chuckled when she saw Alex's duck pajamas.

"Nice pjs lady."

Alex grinned.

"Hey, I know flannel isn't that attractive but it keeps me warm."

"I didn't say you didn't look good in them. Hell, you'd look good in a garbage bag."

"You've got some kinky fantasies detective."

Olivia laughed but didn't touch the subject. She wasn't sure that she should mention just yet exactly _what_ her fantasies were. Taking on a more concerned look, she addressed Alex's earlier statement.

"Were you cold last night?"

"No, but I've had a chill for the past couple of hours that I just can't shake off."

Olivia smiled up at her and opened her arms to her. Alex smiled back and crawled onto the couch and into her arms. Olivia draped the blanket over her back and held her close.

"Thanks."

Olivia kissed the top of her head. She sat quietly for several minutes, simply running her fingers through Alex's silky soft hair and enjoying the feel of her in her arms. She was reclined against the arm of the couch, surprisingly comfortable, with Alex lying between her legs. In this position, she could feel every inch of the blonde. The arm she rested on her back rose softly with every breath the counselor took and Olivia felt an overwhelming surge of love overcome her. She kissed the top of her head again and smiled contently.

"So how'd it go?"

"Really well. I'm sorry I called late. We got really wrapped up in what we were doing. I really did mean to-"

"Alex, it's okay. You don't need to explain yourself." Olivia rubbed her back gently.

"You're not upset?"

"Of course not. You're an adult Alex and you have no obligations to me. If you want or need to do something, do it. You don't need to run it by me."

She knew she would probably sound ridiculous to anyone else but she knew that Alex needed to hear it. She was with an abusive man who was more than likely controlling, so she was doing everything she could to reprogram Alex's way of thinking. She did not need to run thing by Olivia, and she didn't need to ask her permission for anything. And she would inform her of that fact to remind her every chance she got.

Alex snuggled into her neck and placed a small kiss on her shoulder.

"Thank you. How was Emma?"

"She was great. We did a puzzle and then we made cookies and had pizza for supper. Then we watched a movie until she fell asleep. Are you hungry by the way? We saved you some pizza."

Alex smiled.

"Thank you for thinking of me but no, I'm not hungry. We ordered Chinese for supper."

"Okay."

"Was she upset that I wasn't here?"

"She asked where you were but no, she wasn't upset. I think it helped that I didn't put her to bed so she didn't realize when she fell asleep without you."

Alex nodded.

"God I feel so guilty that I wasn't here. I'm really sorry."

"Don't be sorry Alex. She was fine. I kept her occupied so she didn't even have time to notice you weren't here. Okay?"

Alex nodded against her chest.

"Thank you."

"Anytime. So when's the first court date?"

"Actually that's what we're working out now."

"What do you mean?"

"It looks like we might not have to go to trial."

"Really?"

"Yeah. The evidence against Jeff is overwhelming. There's no way he can plead not guilty. His lawyer has no choice but to take our offer."

"Life without parole? Maximum security in a cell with a big burly man named Tiny who'll make him his bitch? Or five minutes with Elliot and I?"

Alex chuckled. She traced her finger along Olivia's arm.

"I don't think he'd survive five minutes with you guys."

"Damn right he wouldn't."

Olivia, knowing she would become too upset if they continued this conversation, changed the subject.

"So when are you going to confront him and his lawyer?"

"We already have but we're going back in a few days to see if they accepted our offer."

Olivia nodded slowly.

"Did you want me to go with you?"

"No. I need to do this on my own."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. You've done so much for me already Liv. You have no idea how grateful I am."

Olivia snuggled down until she was face to face with Alex.

"I would do it all over again Alex. And then over again after that. And after that if I needed to. Whatever you need, I'm here. I want you to be able to come to me when you need something. I want you to know that you can depend on me."

"I know that Liv. I've always known that. You're incredible and you're so good to Emma and I. Thank you."

She leaned closer and kissed Olivia fully on the lips. The brunette groaned when Alex slipped her tongue inside her mouth and quickly began kissing her with a fury that caused the blonde's stomach to drop from desire. Alex moved above her, causing her shirt to rise and Olivia's fingers to touch the soft skin on her lower back. The brunette made a move to slide her hands away because she didn't want to touch Alex anywhere she didn't want her to. As she did so, the blonde pulled away and reached back to pin Olivia's hands to her lower back.

"Don't. I want you to touch me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Alex dipped back down and resumed their kiss. Olivia slowly slid her fingers under Alex top and began massaging her back. She gasped when Alex wedged her right thigh between Olivia's legs and began grinding it against her. Olivia pulled away and stilled Alex's hips with her hands.

"Wait."

"What? What's wrong?"

"I don't think I can do this."

Alex pulled away so she could look into the brunette's eyes.  
"Why not?"

"I don't…I don't want to hurt you. And I don't want to move too quickly."

Alex smiled warmly at her as she nuzzled her nose.

"I have been waiting forever for this. I don't want to wait any longer. And you couldn't hurt me even if you wanted to Liv."

"But your ribs-"

"Are much better. I'm not sore anymore."

Alex could still see the hesitation in her eyes.

"What?"

"Alex I don't want you to be doing this because you think you owe me-"

"I don't."

She grabbed Olivia's hand when she saw the woman was still hesitating and boldly guided it into her pajama pants. She slipped her fingers past the waist band and into her slick centre. Both women gasped when Olivia's fingers made contact. Alex shuddered against her as she felt the other woman's fingers inside of her.

"Is this, ugh, enough proof for you that I want this?" she asked as she began moving her hips against Olivia's fingertips.

Olivia reached up and captured Alex's lips with her own. She then pulled away and slowly slipped her fingers from Alex's centre. For a minute the blonde thought she was being rejected until she realized that Olivia had picked her up and was leading her to the spare bedroom.

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A/N : Muhahhaha! Don't you just love cliff hangers??? .... Okay since I value my life, I posted the next part too. Now do you love me? :P


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I decided since you've all been so patient that I'd post both parts.. and I thought it was cruel leaving you to wait until like... at least Monday until I update this again. I might get the chance once I'm in Palma but we'll have to see. Take care guys!!!

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Olivia slowly placed Alex on the bed and stared at her in unabashed adoration.

"God you're so beautiful."

She knelt before her and cupped her cheeks.

"Are you sure you want to do this? We can stop right now. We don't have to do this."

"Do I need to remind you again how badly I want this?"

Olivia felt her cheeks flush with desire.

"No."

"Good."

"But at any time, if you want to, tell me okay? We'll stop right away."

"Thank you. Now stop worrying."

Alex leaned forward and captured Olivia's lips. Everything this woman was doing for her, and how caring and sensitive she was to her needs, made her want her all that much more. She'd wanted her for a long time and now that she could finally have her, she was _not _going to wait.

Olivia kissed her back passionately as she slowly began unbuttoning the blonde's top. Alex stopped her hand and moved it away.

"No, don't. Stop."

Olivia immediately pulled away.

"I'm sorry."

She sat back on her feet and looked up at the blonde with concern.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. I- No I don't want you to stop completely, that's not what I meant."

"I…?" she looked confused.

Alex reached out and cupped the side of Olivia's face.

"I don't want you to take off my shirt. I want to keep it on."

Olivia frowned. Although she was pretty sure she knew why, she asked anyway.

"Just because."

"Tell me Alex."

"Can we just make love and keep my shirt on? I really want this, but I don't want you to…"

"To what?"

"To see." Alex looked down, embarrassed.

Bingo. She knew it.

"Alex look at me." She guided her face until they were staring eye to eye. "Honey you are _beautiful._ I have never in my life found anyone remotely as beautiful as you. There's nothing that could make me think otherwise. God, I can't even express to you how beautiful I think you are. You're perfect in my eyes Alex."

The blonde shook her head.

"I'm not. It's bad Olivia. I don't think you realize how bad it really is. You're not going to like the way I look but if we keep my shirt on then you don't have to pretend..."

Olivia's heart broke at the way Alex was talking. This was not the Alex she knew. The Alex she knew wouldn't give a damn what someone thought about her. If you didn't like her then that was just fine, she didn't like you to begin with. But this new woman, practically trembling before her, afraid of what Olivia might think... Jesus. This was definitely a changed Alex. The brunette took Alex's hands in her own and squeezed them gently.

"Alex, I assure you, there is _nothing_ that could make me not want you. I'd never pretend with you. You are what I've wanted for as long as I can remember and there is _nothing_ that will change that. Okay? You're the most beautiful, sexy, attractive, hot, drop-dead gorgeous woman I know. But you're in charge here. If you're not comfortable doing this, we'll stop now. You don't have to do this. And when I say that, I mean it. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do, but I don't want just a part of you either Alex. If and when we make love, I want all of you."

There were tears running down Alex's face so Olivia wiped them away gently.

"I love you Olivia. God I love you so much."

The brunette's voice caught in her throat as she pulled Alex into a tight embrace. She held her tight and placed soft kisses on her neck.

"I love you too Alex. I have for a very very long time."

The blonde coughed on a sob and held her tighter. Olivia rocked her gently and continued to lay butterfly kisses on her shoulder. After she finally calmed down, Alex pulled away and cupped Olivia's face.

"I am so lucky to have you."

"I think you have it backwards lady. The guys'll never believe we're together."

"Oh yeah? And why is that?"

"You're pretty out of my league Alex. You're smart, funny, caring, intelligent, kind, and you're sexy as hell-"

"All things that could be used to describe you detective."

Olivia went quiet but smiled at the compliment. She began playing with the bottom of Alex's shirt, waiting to follow her lead. She didn't know what she wanted to do now, but she would wait until Alex told her what she wanted to do. The blonde simply sat there, watching Olivia fiddle with her shirt. There were so many thoughts going through her mind right now but they all seemed to be silenced by the way Olivia was playing with her shirt. Every time she turned her hand to move the material between her fingers, her knuckles brushed up against Alex's stomach causing a bolt of desire to shoot down between the blonde's legs. She stilled Olivia's hands and looked into her eyes. All she could see was love and desire in them, and that's what made her decision. She knew that if Olivia had the same scars that she did, it would do nothing to suppress the desire she felt. And she knew how the brunette felt about her.

She kept her gaze as she removed her shirt. She then moved her hands to her back and popped open her bra, slowly running it down her arms. Olivia's gaze travelled down and she could feel her pulse quicken as she looked her over. Olivia looked back up at her and grinned.

"You look so good I might just eat you up right here and right now."

The blonde laughed, instantly relieved of her fears.

"That was terrible Liv."

They both chuckled, the air in the room instantly becoming lighter. The brunette slipped her arms around the back of her neck and pulled her closer.

"Yeah but you loved it." she said seductively before bringing their lips together.

After several long minutes, Olivia finally pulled away and let her eyes travel once again down the most gorgeous body she had ever seen. It was definitely not as bad as Alex was making it out to be. She had lost most of the bandages that were wrapped around her torso, but there were still a couple of places near her ribs that had gauze taped to them. No matter. Olivia would just be careful of the wounds and would avoid the gauze altogether.

Alex shivered as Olivia leaned forward, placing small kisses from her neck down to the valley between her breasts. She got up slowly and guided the blonde up to the pillows before beginning to work her way down her stomach, snaking her tongue out between kisses. Once she was even with her hips, she slowly pulled at the waistband and smiled when she noticed Alex was going commando.

"You're not wearing panties."

Alex grinned down at her.

"Yeah. I thought you might like that."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow.

"Were you planning on getting lucky tonight counselor?"

"I was hoping."

Olivia chuckled against her leg and slowly pulled her pants down. She slowly ran her fingers back up the blonde's legs and grinned when she started squirming. Olivia carefully straddled her thighs and stripped her own shirt before leaning forward and capturing a breast with her mouth. Alex immediately plunged her fingers in her hair and pulled her closer. Olivia took her time, carefully massaging her nipple into a hard bud. Once she had managed to do so, she turned her attention to the other breast.

By the time she was finished, Alex was groaning and grinding her hips against her. Olivia smiled. She was not done with her yet.

"Turn on your back for me."

"What?"

She leaned closer.

"Turn over. I want to kiss and suck every inch of you."

Alex groaned as she felt another hot bolt of desire shoot down to her core and quickly gave into the request. Olivia moved the stray strands of blonde hair at the nape of her neck and began kissing and licking her way down her back. She stopped at Alex's lower back and paid special attention to the two small dimples she found there. She then kissed down to Alex's ass and scraped her teeth over her cheeks before kissing away the red marks.

"God Liv…"

She smiled against her thigh and kissed down her legs. She received a small gasp when she kissed the back of Alex's knee and received a second when she made her way back up the other leg.

"I don't think I can take anymore teasing Liv…I need you."

Olivia gently guided Alex onto her back and kissed her furiously. Alex plunged her tongue into her mouth and immediately sought out her tongue. They kissed passionately until Olivia pulled away to kiss her way back down Alex's torso. She ran her tongue back over the two perfect breasts before making her way down to Alex's sex.

When she was finally even with her goal, she draped one leg over her shoulder and kissed the swollen outer lips. She could not believe how wet Alex was. It definitely turned her on knowing that it was because of her. Olivia ran her tongue along the outside of her sex and smiled as Alex gasped and spread her legs wider. Olivia then tentatively spread her lips apart before giving her one hard lick. She heard the woman groan and Olivia grinned. She had always hoped Alex would be vocal, now she would see just how vocal she was.

She snaked her tongue out and licked every possible surface before making her way up to where she knew Alex really wanted her tongue. She found the hard little bud and flattened her tongue, massaging it slowly.

"God Liv. Ah…harder."

Olivia took it between her lips and slowly stroked her tongue over it. Alex was still groaning and gyrating her hips above her. Olivia ran gentle hands along her hips as she began licking and sucking on Alex's centre. When she felt Alex's hips increase in speed, she brought one hand to her and massaged her entrance. The blonde's walls were so slick that her fingers easily slid inside. She first slipped in two, then three and began moving inside of her. She searched and when she heard Alex groan and gasp, she knew she'd found what she was looking for. She increased her motions until Alex was writhing underneath her.

"Ah, God. Don't stop. Jesus Liv, don't stop. I'm so close. Ah-"

Olivia sped up her motions again as Alex began speaking and it didn't take long for the blonde's voice to catch in her throat as she crashed over the edge. Olivia held her tight and gently licked her clean as the blonde's spasms died down. Olivia could then feel Alex shuddering so she moved up her body to wrap her arms around her. When she got to Alex's level, she saw that the blonde was crying.

"Oh baby."

Olivia wrapped her arms tight around her and held her close. Alex turned into her shoulder and cried softly. Olivia said nothing. Instead, she rubbed her back in circles and hoped that the motion would help soothe her. Alex eventually stopped crying but she stayed quiet, her face buried in Olivia's neck. Olivia tried to pull away so that she could look at her, but Alex refused.

"Alex, look at me. Honey look at me."

Olivia guided her chin until they were looking into each other's eyes. She wiped the tears away and placed a small kiss on Alex's nose.

"What happened baby?"

Alex looked away, embarrassed. She still had tears streaming down her face and it broke Olivia's heart to see her like this. She kissed her gently on the forehead.

"Talk to me."

"I…it's just…I'm not used to this."

"Used to what?"

"Feeling cared for. Cherished. Loved. How gentle you were…It's been so long since someone has made love to me." Alex shook her head, embarrassment washing over her. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"

"Shh. Don't apologize. I love you Alex."

Olivia wrapped her arms tight around her. She hated not knowing what happened to Alex. She hated the fact that he probably touched her against her will. Olivia hated that she knew these things had happened. But the fact that Alex started crying because Olivia had loved her? _You're so broken Alex. _Olivia wrapped her arms tighter around Alex.

"Get used to it babe. I love you and I will never stop showing you how much I do."


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: :) Well it's monday and here's the next chapter as promised! Palma de Mallorca was beautiful and it was soooo relaxing. We went for four days (a couple of friends and I) and I don't think I've laughed so much in my life... I definitely recommend getting away with girlfriends when you're stressed, it helps! Now I'm back home and feeling the pressure. My Italian teacher decided today that she's assigning a second book (keep in mind this is a first year course) for us to read. It's completely in Italian and we're to give a résumé of it. Yay. Add that to the growing list of things I need to do (including a 7 page grammar work -written in spanish- on the difference between saying "his hand" and "the hand", "his table" and "the table" etc.) due for Friday. Tomorrow's my retake exam so pray I pass guys! I'm gonna need all the help I can get!

A BIG thank you to all the reviews and kind words, I appreciate it :). And a big hug thanks to iheartSVUbabe in particular for the last comment... it was nice to hear the encouragement :) ... PS- I'm still waiting on the next chapter of TOL lady! :P

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Alex woke up around two a.m. and treated Olivia to the same soft love making she had experienced earlier. They spent hours touching, kissing, and exploring each other. They collapsed after several hours of love making and fell back asleep.

The next morning, Olivia woke up to a feeling of numbness in her arm. When she looked down, she found the reason why.

Alex was lying peacefully, curled up to her and using her arm as a pillow. She looked more peaceful than she'd seen her in a very long time. Olivia shifted so that she was leaning above her and smiled down at her. She kissed her softly on the forehead and moved a few stray strands of hair from her face. She then gently pried her arm from under Alex's head and made her way to the kitchen.

When she got inside, she heard someone rummaging around. By process of elimination, she knew it was Emma. When she came around the island, she found the girl covered in flour and the garbage in the middle of the room. The girl was desperately trying to sweep up the mess on the ground and dump it in the garbage.

"Emma? What happened?"

The girl gasped and stared at her, wide-eyed. She looked like a deer caught in headlights. A look of pure fear crossed her face and she glanced sideways, taking in her surroundings. Olivia recognized exactly what she was doing. The girl was looking for a safe place to bolt to.

"Honey, hey, hey. Stop. It's okay."

Emma began backing away slowly as tears welled up in her eyes. Olivia got down on one knee and smiled at her.

"Honey I'm not angry. I promise. Come here."

The girl didn't budge. Olivia then sat on the floor, cross legged, and smiled at her gently. She was now at eye level to the girl.

"Okay. It's up to you. I won't move from here but I'd like it if you came over and told me what happened. I'm not angry sweetie. You don't have to be worried."

Olivia sat against the counter and waited as Emma stood by the island. The girl stayed still, not moving an inch. She watched her closely for several minutes before she slowly knelt on the floor and resumed wiping up the mess. She watched Olivia as she scooped up the pile on her left and didn't break the eye contact as she dumped it in the garbage.

"Can I help?"

Emma waited a moment before hesitantly nodding.

"I'm going to start over here okay?"

She nodded again. Olivia moved onto her knees, careful not to make any sudden movements because she didn't want to scare her. After a few minutes of working in silence, Olivia looked over and saw that Emma was crying quietly. Olivia stopped cleaning and slid over to her.

"Come here baby."

The girl finally went into her arms and clutched her. She cried in her shoulder and began apologizing.

"It's okay honey. Don't apologize. It's okay."

"But I wasted your flour and there's a mess and I'm dirty and your floor-"

"Shh."

Olivia gave her a reassuring squeeze and stood her up. She chuckled when she saw the girl.

"Oh honey you're covered in flour. What happened?"

"I saw you were sleeping with maman so I wanted to make breakfast for you because it's nice and I wanted to be nice but the flour was too high and I couldn't reach and then it fell and it got everywhere. I'm really sorry. I can buy another one-"

"Listen honey. I'm not angry, okay? Don't worry about it. It's the thought that counts right?"

Olivia shook out the girl's hair with her hands and smiled.

"How about this? You take a bath and when you're done we'll both make breakfast for your mom okay?"

"You're not angry?"

"Of course not. It was an accident. Thank you for thinking of us though, that was very sweet of you. But maybe next time you can come and tell me so I can help, okay?"

The girl nodded slowly. Olivia brought her to the bathroom and ran her a bath. She helped the little girl out of her clothes and sat her in the bathtub. She waited until the water was high enough and then turned off the tap.

"Okay, I'm going to finish cleaning the kitchen and I want you to wash your body okay? I'll come back in a few minutes and wash your hair for you. Deal?"

"Deal."

Olivia returned to the kitchen and swept up the last of the flour. The girl had managed to dump the entire bag on the floor but at least it hadn't gotten into any of the shelves. Although she had tried to clean it herself, Emma had succeeded in only spreading the flour around even more. But it didn't matter. It wasn't hard to clean to begin with. She threw out the flour and wiped down the outside of the cupboards to get off the flour dust. She then made her way to the bathroom with a container in her hand.

"I'm ready now."

"Did you get behind your ears and your knees?"

The girl smiled.

"Yes."

"Good girl."

Olivia got on her knees and rolled up her sleeves. She grabbed her container and instructed the girl to tilt her head back. She placed her hand at the top of the girl's hairline so that the water wouldn't get in her face and poured water over her head until her hair was completely wet.

"You do it just like my mom."

"Do what?"

"Put your hand on my head so the water doesn't get in my eyes. Thanks."

Olivia smiled.

"My dad didn't know that trick. He always let the water fall in my eyes."

Her smile faltered.

"Well, dads don't always know what they're doing eh?"

She responded, trying to lighten the situation. The girl nodded quietly.

"Maman didn't let him do it often though. Only when she couldn't."

Olivia didn't have to ask what the girl meant by "couldn't." She already knew it meant Alex had to have been incapacitated in some way to not have been able to. And she already knew who would have been the one to incapacitate her.

She quickly finished rinsing out the soap from the girl's hair and smiled at her to change the air.

"All done."

"Yes!"

The girl stood up quickly and lost her balance. Olivia's arms shot out and grabbed her under the arms just as she was about to fall.

"Easy there tiger."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

She lifted the girl out of the tub and wrapped a towel around her.

"Don't worry about it honey. Next time though, get up slowly okay? You scared me."

"I scared me too."

Olivia chuckled. "I'll bet."

She drained the tub and carried Emma to the living room.

"I'll just go and get you some clothes okay? Stay right here."

She quietly entered the bedroom to find that Alex was still sound asleep in bed. She hadn't even moved from the position she had left her. Chuckling to herself, Olivia bent over and grabbed an outfit from the dresser drawer. She made her way back to the living room and helped Emma into her clothes.

"Are we still making mom breakfast?"

She asked nervously.

"Of course we are. What do you think she'd like? French toast?"

"She likes French toast. And sausage and bacon."

"Alright, sounds like a good breakfast to me."

She lifted the girl onto the island and sat her down. She then grabbed all the ingredients they'd need and turned to the little girl, only to find her staring at her.

"What're you looking at?" she asked, not unkindly.

"You."

Olivia chuckled.

"I see that. Why are you looking at me?"

She paused for a second.

"Do you like my mom?"

"Of course I do."

"Why?"

"For lots of reasons." She started, as she opened the bacon. "I think she's funny, she's smart, she's a very nice person, she's caring, and she's very pretty. Don't you agree?"

Emma nodded.

"Are we going to live here with you?"

"I don't know. I don't think so."

"Why not? You don't want us to live here?"

"Oh no honey, it's not that. I would love for you to live with me."

The girl smiled.

"I want to live here with you too. Can you ask maman? Can we tell her we can live here? Then we can be safe and we can make breakfast for maman all the time."

Olivia stopped peeling the bacon apart and wiped her hands before giving all of her attention to Emma.

"Honey, you _are_ safe now. Your mom is going to keep you safe forever. You don't have to worry anymore okay? And even if you do move somewhere else, I can still come over and make breakfast with you, okay?"

Emma sighed.

"I want to live with you instead."

Olivia kissed her temple.

"I'm not going anywhere. You can visit as much as you want. Maybe we can even find an apartment in this building and then you won't live far at all."

The girl's eyes lit up.

"Okay!"

Her spirits were instantly lifted. Olivia was glad, but at the same time she knew that the entire situation was hypothetical. Now that Alex was on her own, she might want to reassert her independence and get her own place. She might not want to live so close by to force herself not to depend on anyone. Then again, she might not want to leave. Olivia had had time to think about it and she decided that if Alex chose to stay, she would definitely be willing to let her. But if the blonde decided she needed to be on her own, Olivia would respect that decision as well.

They continued breakfast and Olivia was just pouring the last of the cooked sausage onto a plate when Alex emerged from the bedroom.

"Maman!"

Alex greeted the girl with just as much enthusiasm and spun her around when the girl jumped into her arms.

"Hi my girl. You're in a good mood."

"Yep! Olivia and I made you breakfast."

Alex looked over and raised her eyebrows. Olivia smiled sheepishly.

"We were going to bring it to you in bed but apparently you're awake."

"Breakfast again? I could get used to this."

"Can you put me down now maman? I have to go to the bathroom."

Alex gave her daughter one last kiss before setting her down. The girl ran to the bathroom and once they were alone, Alex made her way to Olivia.

"I woke up alone this morning. I think there should be a law against that one detective. I might just have to charge you."

Olivia grinned as she wrapped her arms around her waist.

"Is the plaintiff willing to give the defense a lesser charge if she promises her a nice breakfast?"

"Ooh that's playing dirty. Using the plaintiff's weakness for a nice breakfast like that was unfair."

"The defense apologizes. But does said breakfast forgive the original sentence?"

"It lessens it but doesn't pardon it. However you might be able to use the counselor's feelings to manipulate this situation. You know, kiss her into forgetting it all."

"Sharing secret information with the defense, counselor?"

"Oh shut up and kiss me."

Olivia chuckled before Alex crushed their lips together. She slid her hands into Olivia's hair and pulled her closer. Olivia wrapped her arms lower and pulled the blonde's lower body to her. Their tongues dueled as they fought the urge to breathe. When she finally couldn't ignore it anymore, Olivia pulled away.

"God you're sexy in the morning."

"Only in the morning?"

Olivia squinted her eyes at her.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know. But I might be fishing for a compliment."

Olivia grinned at her and began whispering in her ear exactly _how_ attractive she was, and how many ways she'd be willing to show her. Alex's breath shortened almost immediately at the erotic way Olivia was describing the way she'd like to make love to her on the counter right then and there. She groaned against her.

"Maman?"

Alex gasped loudly and turned to her daughter, flush face and all. They were really going to need to work on this whole making out in front of her daughter thing. Olivia grinned over Alex's shoulder and wrapped her arms around her waist. Alex cleared her throat and smiled at her daughter.

"Yes?"

The girl eyed her carefully.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course! Alright, I think it's time for breakfast now."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow at her, reminding her that she had just told her what exactly she wanted for breakfast.. or better yet, _who._ Alex blushed even more and moved away from her.

"You're terrible." She whispered as she left her side.

Olivia just laughed.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Hey guys! woohoo! It's the weekend!! But I've been a terrible student and haven't gone to class in two days. In my defense I was super tired on Thursday and well, I slept in until about 3:30 pm (I think I was starting a cold so that's why I was so tired) and then Thursday night the exchange students had a huge party and then went out to the club and I didn't get home until about 5 am.. needless to say I did not show up to class lol. It's quarter to four am Saturday now.. and I thought I'd upload this before getting to bed. I hope you all like it.

Ouuu, I'm getting so excited... my sister and my friend are coming up next weekend for a week to come visit!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! I can't wait!!!!! I hope I have enough time to hang out... I have so many damn classes but when it comes to going to a Spanish culture course and hanging out with my sister.... you see how there's no competition? lol Alrighty, thank you for reading and reviewing... I get so excited when I check my inbox and have something new so be sure to write!! Take care! xoxo

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Alex spent the rest of the day with her lawyer so Olivia distracted Emma by taking her to the movies and then going out for supper afterwards. When they got home it was nearing Emma's bedtime so Olivia gave her a quick bath and tucked her into bed.

"Are you going to read me a story?"

"I don't have any books kiddo."

"If you go get maman's laptop I can find one for you."

"I don't know if your mom would like that."

"I'm allowed to use it for stories but that's it. She has a special file just for me."

Olivia hesitated before finally giving in.

"Alright, but it'll have to be a quick one."

"Okay."

She made her way to the dining room table and grabbed the laptop. She carried it back to the bedroom and placed it between them. Emma sat up and turned it on. They waited and then the girl typed in her mother's password and quickly navigated through her computer.

"You really know what you're doing."

"Yep. She showed me how to find my stories."

The girl pulled up the file with her name on it and opened it. She clicked on the desired story and opened the file.

"This one is short."

"It's 17 pages long."

"Ya but it has lots of pictures."

"Alright."

Olivia clicked on the screen to open the virtual book, only to be met with a French title.

"Oh you've gotta be kidding."

"What?"

"It's French."

"Yes. All of my stories are in French."

"I don't speak French honey."

"You don't have to speak, you just have to read it."

Olivia laughed.

"I don't read French either."

"Oh. Well, could I read it to you then?"

"Sure."

Not that she would understand anything, but it would be cute to hear the little girl read.

"What's the story?"

"La belle au bois dormant."

"Ah." Olivia responded, like she knew what that meant.

The girl started and Olivia watched, smiling, as she read through the story. She clued in about three pages in that they were reading _Sleeping Beauty_. The girl was doing quite well, hesitating over only a few words but then again, she could be skipping the big words and Olivia wouldn't have even noticed. She listened quietly as the girl read and smiled when she was nearing the end of her story.

"…and they lived happily ever after. The end."

The girl smiled over at her.

"I know that part in English."

Olivia chuckled.

"Well thank you for the bedtime story. I enjoyed it."

"You're welcome."

She handed Olivia the laptop and then snuggled down into the bed. Olivia placed the computer on the floor and turned back to find the girl watching her. She smiled at her but the little girl remained fixated.

"What's wrong honey?"

"Why were you kissing my mom today?"

Olivia practically choked on the air she was breathing she was so caught off guard.

"What?"

"You were kissing my mom this morning. And yesterday too. Why? Are you dating her?"

Olivia had no idea what to answer this girl. She hadn't discussed any of this with Alex yet. But dating would probably be safe to say yes to. After all, Alex had said she was in love with her. Why else would she tell her that unless she wanted a relationship?

"Are you?"

"Yes. I think so."

Emma nodded.

"Do you love her?"

Olivia smiled widely. Easy question.

"Yes, I do. I love her very much."

"She loves you too."

"She does, does she? Why do you think that?"

"Because of the way she looks at you. And she talks about you in her sleep sometimes. And she smiles when you are close to her."

"How do you feel about all of that? Are you okay with it?"

She didn't think the girl would have a problem with the fact that her mom was dating a woman, after all she was still young and probably hadn't been exposed to much homophobia. Yet. She was more concerned with the fact that Emma might not want to her mother to be in a relationship at all.

"Yes. She's very happy and she hasn't been happy in a long time. Her eyes are hardly sad anymore."

Olivia smiled.

"Good. I'm glad."

She kissed the girl's forehead and gave her a long hug.

"Do you have any more questions?"

"No. I really like you Olivia. You're really nice to my mom and she's really happy with you."

"Well I really like you too kiddo. You're pretty cute."

"Only pretty cute?"

Olivia laughed out loud.

"God you're just like your mother." The girl laughed along with her. "Okay, you're _very_ cute."

"I thought so."

Olivia gave one last laugh before kissing her forehead again and getting up. She fixed the girl's blanket and said goodnight.

"Good night Olivia."

She turned off the light and closed the door, only to run into Alex. She gave a loud gasp and startled backwards.

"Jesus, you scared me."

Alex smiled.

"Hi."

Olivia paused. Something was up with Alex. She didn't know what kind of mood she was in but she could tell there was something going on with Alex. There was definitely a look in her eyes.

"Hi…" she said carefully.

Alex grinned and slowly began removing her top. _Ahh, that's what that look is._ The blonde moved back slowly towards the spare room and tossed her shirt inside.

"What're you waiting for lover? Aren't you coming?"

Olivia was going to say something to that, but she decided to follow instead with a smile on her face. When she reached Alex, she pulled her in for a hard kiss and closed the bedroom door. Alex plunged her fingers into her hair and pulled at the roots, trying to draw her closer. Olivia ran her fingers along Alex's waist, causing the woman to shriek and pull away.

"Your hands are freezing!"

Olivia laughed and beckoned Alex to come back. The woman shook her head.

"No way man. Your fingers are like ice."

Olivia grinned at her and pounced. Alex ran to the bed and flew under the covers. Olivia quickly followed and tried to pull her close.

"Get away from me with those ice cubes."

She finally succeeded in grabbing Alex and pulled the blonde to her. She looked down at her and the playful mood was instantly lost as the two stared in each other's eyes. They both saw the love and desire so obvious there and they wasted no time in resuming their heated kiss.

Olivia's hands quickly warmed and she trailed them along Alex's sides. She moved so she was half above her and Alex slipped her hands under her shirt. She pulled it off and threw it on the floor. The blonde then undid her girlfriend's pants and as Olivia pulled them off, Alex rid herself of the skirt she was wearing. When Olivia was standing in nothing other than her boy shorts, Alex stopped what she was doing and simply stared.

Olivia, noticing she now had an audience, smiled at her.

"See something you like?"

"Definitely. God you're hot Liv."

She looked the woman up and down, from her strong arms rippled with muscles from working out, to perfect breasts, down to her flat stomach, past the boy shorts and down her legs. Olivia felt her face flush with desire at the pure lust she saw written on Alex's face. They quickly shed the last of their clothing and Alex pulled her back into bed. Olivia hovered above the blonde for several seconds before dipping down to capture her lips again.

Alex sought out her tongue and slipped her fingers down to Olivia's ass. She squeezed her cheeks and pulled her down so that her body was lying on top of her. She could tell Olivia was still keeping most of her weight on her elbows so she pulled away from the kiss.

"I want to feel you."

Misunderstanding what she was saying, Olivia lifted her body so that Alex could slip her hands between the two of them. Instead, the blonde shook her head and pulled her body back down.

"I want to feel all of you."

"Alex, I'll crush you."

"No you won't. I want to feel you Olivia."

The brunette hesitated but let a little more of her weight drop. Alex groaned as their chests moulded together.

"That's better. But you're still holding back."

Before Olivia knew what she was doing, Alex pulled at her wrists and slid them along the bed. Her full weight dropped on top of the blonde and when she tried to get back up, Alex tightened her grip on her wrists.

"Stop. You're not hurting me Olivia. I love this feeling."

Olivia stopped moving but watched Alex carefully, looking for any signs that she was hurting her. Instead the blonde closed her eyes and groaned in pleasure as she ran her fingers along Olivia's back.

"God you feel good."

She spread her legs and slipped a thigh between Olivia's. She grabbed her hips and started rocking against her centre. Finally satisfied that Alex was not going to suffocate, Olivia matched her movements, completely concentrated on the beautiful face before her. She captured her lips again before slipped a hand between them. She quickly found what she was looking for and ran her fingers between the curls, teasing her gently. Alex groaned loudly against her and pulled away from their kiss. She moved her mouth to Olivia's neck and breathed hard between the kisses she laid there.

"Touch me Olivia. God I need you to touch me."

The brunette obeyed, slipping her fingers inside. Both women gasped at the contact.

"God you're so wet babe."

Alex groaned again.

"I know. This is what you do to me."

Alex pulled harder at Olivia hips and the woman circled her clit faster- concentrating on both the movements of her fingers and the thigh between the blonde's legs.

"Ah, God."

Alex's back arched and Olivia watched as the woman neared closer to the edge. Her head turned sideways and her mouth opened as she let out a grunt.

"Ugh- I'm close. Oh God Liv."

Olivia pressed harder into her and Alex's voice hitched in her throat. She let out a loud groan and panted loudly as she rode out her orgasm. Olivia scraped her teeth down her neck as she continued to ride her leg, coming with a grunt several seconds later and fell onto Alex.

It took a few minutes for Olivia to come to and realize that Alex was running her fingers gently down her back.

"I think you melted my bones baby."

"Mmm. It's what I was aiming for." Alex replied, kissing her forehead.

"That was amazing."

"I agree."

Olivia slowly slid off of her and pulled the blonde into her arms. She reached for a blanket and draped it over their bodies.

"I love you so much Alex."

"I love you too babe."

Olivia held her tight as the two women drifted off to sleep.

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**Thanks for reading! Now if you really love me, you'll let me know what you thought. Come on you know you wanna- all the other kids are doing it!**


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Hey guys! Well this week has been ridiculous. I've been at school non-stop and I've been getting assignments left and right. I've been asked to watch two movies (that have no subtitles!!!!) and give résumés of the movies, the eras they were in, and tie it all together. I went and saw my italian teacher who has told me that I can write my 7 page assignment in French if I want to to make it easier for me, and if I have any trouble to come and let her know because she'd be more than happy to help me out. I keep saying to the girl who is here with me from Canada that I hate when she's nice to me because it's harder to hate her lol. She's a crazy demanding woman, but she's so nice that I feel guilty hating her! lol But yeah, my sister's coming tomorrow!!!!! eeeee. And I can't wait although I'm not sure how this is going to work out for all of my classes... I have so much homework but with my sister here, I won't want to do any of it.

Anyways enough babbling... I hope you're all doing well and thanks for the reviews/well wishes. I appreciate them :) Hope you all like this chapter!!

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Alex woke the next morning and found Olivia was still in the bed with her. She snuggled close to her and kissed her cheek. The brunette groaned and stretched, slowly coming out of her sleep. When she awoke, she smiled at Alex.

"Good morning baby."

"Morning."

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah." She replied, placing a soft kiss on Olivia's breast.

Olivia groaned. "Don't do that."

"What? This?"

She snaked out her tongue and ran it along her nipple. Olivia groaned again and flipped her onto her back. Alex sucked in a breath of air as she was turned over and tried to fight the painful expression on her face. Olivia noticed it immediately and pulled away.

"Jesus I'm sorry babe. I forgot. Are you okay? I'm sorry."

Alex got angry with the tears that formed in her eyes at the pain shooting down her side.

"I'm fine Liv. It was nothing."

She leaned up to capture her lips but cried out as the pinching sensation travelled through her body. She made a frustrated sound and bit her bottom lip. Olivia looked down at her sympathetically and placed a soft kiss on her collarbone. Alex wrapped her arms around her waist and they lay there for several minutes in silence. Olivia finally pulled away with a smile on her face.

"Hey, wanna get naked with me?"

Alex gave a weak smile and looked between their bodies.  
"Um, in case you haven't already noticed..."

Olivia chuckled.

"Good point. Okay, wanna shower with me?"

She wiggled an eyebrow at her. Alex chuckled, feeling herself lighten up at Olivia's playful mood.

"Okay. Go get it ready. I'm going to go and check on Emma."

"Alright."

Olivia slipped from the bed and Alex watched as she sauntered to the bathroom before getting up and putting on a bathrobe. She made her way to the living room and found Emma sitting at the coffee table doing her puzzle.

"Allô ma puce."

"Bonjour maman."

"How did you sleep?"

"Good. I came to do my puzzle so you could sleep some more."

"Thank you baby. I appreciate it."

Alex squatted next to her and ran her fingers through her hair.

"I'm just going to take a quick shower and then we'll start breakfast okay?"

"Okay."

"Are you getting hungry?"

"Yes."

"Alright, we'll be quick."

Alex made her way to the bathroom and got in the shower. Olivia treated her to a scalp massage as she washed her hair and although it took quite some effort to keep their hands to themselves, the two women managed to shower fairly quickly and make their way back to the living room. Alex decided to cook this time and made a ham and cheese omelette.

They spent most of the day lazing away on the couch, watching movies and completing Emma's puzzle. Olivia could tell that Alex was worried and dreading the day to come. Tomorrow was the day that she and Chris would be returning to see if Jeff had accepted their offer. Olivia hadn't asked and Alex hadn't offered to inform her of what their offer was. Olivia didn't want to know. No matter what it was, it wouldn't be enough.

Knowing that she was not doing so well, Olivia made sure to kiss, caress, and remind Alex of how much she loved her at every opportunity (while trying to be as PG about it as possible). When they finally put Emma to bed, Olivia brought Alex to the spare room and kissed her softly on the forehead. Alex burst into tears the minute her lips touched her skin so Olivia brought her closer and wrapped her arms around her. She held her as tight as humanly possible as Alex broke down so hard that Olivia had to physically hold her upright. Deciding that it would be better if she were sitting, Olivia gently guided them to the floor. She rested her back against the wall and gathered Alex into her arms. The blonde clutched her neck as she sobbed in her shoulder.

"Shh, baby. It's okay. It's going to be okay. It's almost over. One more day, okay? Just one more day."

She placed a long kiss on Alex's forehead as the woman continued to cry in her arms. God how her heart was breaking for her. The pure ache in Alex's sobs was enough to make Olivia want to cry right along with her. She could feel all the emotion in the sounds. She held her tight with one arm and began rubbing her back soothingly.

"Shh, baby. You're gonna be okay."

Eventually she heard Alex's sobs die down a bit, but she was still shaking from the force of her tears. Slowly, Olivia felt the shaking decrease as she continued to whisper loving words in her ear. Finally Alex's tears were replaced by soft hiccoughing, something Olivia took as a good sign. She reached to her nightstand and placed the box of tissues on Alex's lap.

Alex wiped her eyes and blew her nose, tossing the used tissues in the small waste basket next to her. She turned back to Olivia and looked into her eyes, tears forming once again. Olivia noticed and cupped her cheeks, looking right into Alex's eyes.

"Baby, you can do this. I know you can."

Alex reached up with one hand and held onto Olivia's wrist.

"I don't feel like I can. I'm scared Olivia...and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for being so damn weak. I hate that I've let myself become like this."

"Listen to me, and you listen well. You are _not_ weak Alexandra Cabot. You are strong. You are one of the strongest, smartest, and most powerful women I know. You _can_ do this, and you will. And you will be amazing. And you will intimidate the shit out of that son of a bitch and you will come out of there the winner. Do not doubt yourself because you can do this Alex. I know you can. I love you baby and I know you can do this. You hear me?"

The strength and sureness of Olivia's voice soothed Alex and she could feel herself nodding at the end of her pep talk. She wiped at the other stray tears and sniffled.

"Yeah..."

"Say it babe."

"I can do it."

"Firmer."

"I can do this."

"Why?"

"Because I'm Alexandra Cabot."

"And?"

Alex shook her head. She felt silly saying this.

"I know what you're thinking. Say it anyway. It'll help I promise."

Alex nodded. Olivia hadn't been wrong before.

"Because I'm strong and I don't back down from a fight. And I'm cocky as hell and no one can intimidate me."

Olivia grinned. There was her Alex.

"Good. I believe you babe. You can do this."

Alex nodded. She stayed quiet for several minutes before looking into Olivia's eyes. Tears welled up in her eyes when she looked at her, but not from sadness- it was from love. God, she loved this woman so much.

"Thank you."

Olivia smiled and kissed her forehead. She helped Alex up and the two changed into their pajamas. As Alex went to the washroom, Olivia went and grabbed her a damp cloth and a glass of water. When she got back to the room, Alex was already sitting up in bed waiting for her.

"Here, I brought you these. I figured a damp cloth would help refresh your face and well, I know you like to have a glass of water when you go to bed so..."

Alex could not help the huge grin that spread on her face.

"You're amazing do you know that? What the hell did I do to deserve you?"

Olivia blushed as she set the things on Alex's night table and climbed into bed.

"I feel the same way. I still can't believe I'm crawling into bed with Alex Cabot. I can't believe I'm allowed to kiss Alexandra Cabot. I can't believe I'm dating Alexandra Cabot."

She slipped the last one in to see what Alex would say. Although Olivia would define their relationship now as dating, she still wasn't sure what Alex thought. She was calmed instantly when she saw the big grin on her face.

"Yes, you're doing all of those things. However you forgot one important fact."

"What's that?"

Olivia asked as Alex sneaked closer to her side.

"You're also sleeping with Alexandra Cabot."

She said before sealing the statement with a passionate kiss. When she made a move to cup Olivia's breast, the brunette stopped her and pulled her hand away. Alex broke their kiss and looked at her, confused.

"As much as I want to do this Alex, I think we should rest. You're going to need all of your energy tomorrow and if we start now, we won't finish until way past your bedtime."

Alex mock-glared at her.

"Cooperate and I'll buy you an ice cream." The brunette said.

Alex laughed.

"Oh you think you're so funny."

Olivia cuddled down further into the pillows and pulled Alex tightly to her.

"I don't think I'm funny, I _know_ I'm funny."

Alex wrapped her arm around her torso and stayed quiet. She snuggled her face into her chest, listening to the brunette's heartbeat.

"Thank you Olivia. I-You have done so much for Emma and I and I don't even know how to begin to express how_ much_ that means to me and how thankful I am. You have no idea how nice it feels to know I can depend on you. You make me feel so safe, something I haven't felt in a very long time." She played with the button on Olivia's pajama as she thought of how to phrase the rest of what she wanted to say. "I don't know what I would have done without you. I don't think I could have done it. I love you so much...and just knowing you love me back is enough to make me want to cry." Alex chuckled. "Big surprise there though. Everything makes me want to cry lately."

Olivia squeezed her middle and kissed her forehead.

"I will always be here Alex. Always. You needed someone and I'm just glad I was there and was able to help you. You're an amazing woman Alex and I don't deserve you but I will spend every waking moment trying to make you happy. You and Emma are the best things that happened to me and I won't ever let you go."

Alex turned up in her embrace and planted a firm and loving kiss on her lips.

"I love you so much Liv."

"I love you too babe. Now try and get some sleep."

Alex moved back down to her chest and lay her head down. She listened to Olivia's heart beat for as long as she could until finally she couldn't fight the need to sleep anymore.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Hey guys... I'm really sorry this took forever to update. I don't know if it was just me, but I was having issues signing it (as in I couldn't) so I couldn't update until today. But I didn't start trying till about 3 days ago in all fairness. Well, my sister and my friend are gone, they left Saturday(21st) . We had a great time... spent alot of time in Madrid since my town has absolutely nothing in it (except me! :D lol) so I didn't really want them to stay here. But it was ridiculous..their trying to get here!!! They were flying with US Airways and they had MAJOR issues getting here (same with my mum- who flew with them as well). They were supposed to arrive at 10 am, and they didn't get here until 8 pm!!!! And they didn't even fly with US Airways in the end, they shipped them with another company (again- like they did with my mother) and they had to transfer 3 times... AND! they lost their luggage!!! I don't know if it's just a fluke thing, but US Airways so far sucks. I don't know if you guys have flown with them... but I kind of suggest not using them if you're planning on coming to Spain, because they suck. But that's just my opinion. But I can't complain too much because they got here safe and sound and we had a really good time. :)

Now since they've left, I've been scrambling to catch up- but I didn't sleep much last week and my body is screaming at me. And because there was so much going on last week, now that I had time to relax, my body is sick. :( sad. I've got a wicked cold (and it's made me quite attractive I must admit) so I'm trying to get over that. I know I sound like I'm complaining but I'm really not lol- I'm just updating. And interesting thing they have here: Carnaval. It's like Hallowe'en for adults. It's awesome. Everyone gets dressed up and they gather at one place and drink and party and like, in my city they got a few rides, and they have food and stuff. I don't know, it's really cool. I think it should be implemented in Canada lol. Oh, they had like marching band things, and this one couple got dressed up as Danny and Sandy from Grease, and were blaring the soundtrack... it was pretty neat. I have it all on facebook anyways for those of you who have me on facebook (if you don't and you want to- send me a PM and I'll give you the info ;)..) Gotta give it to the Spanish- they know how to party!

Okay, I'm done talking now lol. Sorry. I hope you guys like this one! After this there are only a couple more I think. Thanks for reading & take care!!! xoxo

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The next morning Alex woke up to the feel of someone running their fingers through her hair. She was startled at first, not knowing who it was but her memory quickly came back to her. She moaned and cuddled even closer to Olivia.

"Hey baby. How'd you sleep?"

"Good." She mumbled into her neck. "You?"

"Great."

Alex took a deep breath as she pulled away from Olivia. She stretched and smiled up at her before laying her head back on her chest like she had the night before.

"How long have you been awake?"

Olivia's hand ventured lower and began scratching her back. Alex moaned her appreciation and turned a bit to give her better access.

"A little while."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"You needed your rest. Besides, I like watching you sleep."

"Creeper."

Olivia laughed. Alex smiled at the sound and when the brunette got quiet again, she squeezed her tight.

"I love it when you hold me like this."

"Do you?"

"Yeah. I get so relaxed in your arms. And I feel...it's silly but I feel like I can feel how much you love me when you hold me like this. Like you radiate it or something. I don't know it's hard to explain."

"I get it. It's not silly babe."

Olivia kissed the top of her head.

"You know I never pictured you for being so tactile. I missed this about you. How you touch me every chance you get. The way you like to cuddle. I love that about you."

"Oh I'm very touchy-feely," she admitted shyly, but then quickly added: "but don't you start spreading that around. I've got a reputation to uphold you know."

Alex chuckled.

"Alright I won't. What are you going to give me if I keep your secret?"

"I'll put you in a nice old age home. One where they give you sponge baths and feed you puréed meals."

Alex laughed in her shoulder.

"You wouldn't!"

"I wouldn't if you told my secret but if you keep it then you're only 50 years away from diaper changes and cheeseburger slurries."

Alex continued laughing in her shoulder. Olivia laughed with her and squeezed her shoulder affectionately.

"Maman?"

Alex looked up and saw Emma peeking her head into the room.

"Hey ma belle. Viens. Rentre."

The girl quickly made her way over and crawled into the bed. She sat at their feet and smiled.

"What are you laughing about?"

"Olivia is being silly. She said she's going to put me in an old-age home when I'm old where they're going to feed me all my food in a blender."

The girl made a face.

"That's gross."

The two women started laughing. Emma smiled brightly at them as she watched her mom giggle into Olivia's side.

"What're you smiling about honey?"

"Nothing. It's just nice to see you so happy."

Alex smiled widely at her.

"I am very happy baby."

"Good. Are we going to eat soon? I'm hungry."

Alex looked at the time and groaned.

"My meeting is in two hours."

Olivia looked over at Emma.

"Yeah we'll start breakfast now. Why don't you go get dressed and we'll meet you in the kitchen?"

"Okay."

She hopped off the bed and ran to the other room. Olivia then turned to Alex who was now hiding under the blankets. She wiggled her way down under the blankets and watched as Alex played with a stray string on the comforter. She stayed quiet, waiting for Alex to talk to her. Finally she let go of the string she was playing with and turned to Olivia, watching her for several moments.

"You're so good to me Liv. I know I keep asking but what did I do to deserve you?"

Olivia smiled at her and took her hand, kissing her knuckles. She kept smiling at her, not letting go of her hand. Alex turned her wrist and cupped the side of Olivia's face.

"What's wrong baby?"

"This is just so perfect. You, me, and Emma. And then I have to go deal with _this_ today and I really don't want to. I just want to stay here in bed all day."

Olivia placed her hand on top of the one on her cheek.

"You can do this babe. You need to do this for you and for Emma. And I know you want to do this for Polly as well. I know you can do this Alex. And if you need me to be there, I'll go. But you're more than strong enough to do this. This will not beat you."

Alex snuggled closer and kissed her thoroughly. When she finally pulled away, she couldn't help the smile on her face.

"I love you so much Olivia."

The brunette grinned. "Good because I love you too."

She kissed her forehead and threw the blankets from over their head. Alex groaned in protest. She turned away from Olivia and hugged the pillow. The brunette poked her sides, telling her it was time to get up.

"No! I refuse."

"Wakey wakey."

Alex squealed and moved away from her.

"Emma! Come save your mother from the evil Olivia."

Emma came running into the room and grinned when she saw her mom laughing. She made her way to the end of the bed and leaned over it.

"What's happening?"

"Your mom won't get out of bed so I'm trying to make her. It's not working very well."

Emma pulled herself onto the bed and crawled over to her mom. She placed one foot on each side of her waist and began jumping, causing the bed around her to bounce.

"Réveille-toi maman! Réveille-toi maintenant! Réveille! Réveille! Que le soleil chant!"

Alex twisted around and swiftly pulled her daughter down into her arms. She tickled her sides.

"Alright! Alright! I'm up. Evil child."

She stopped tickling her but Emma continued laughing. The girl draped herself over her mother and kissed her cheek.

"Works every time."

Emma hopped out of bed and nudged her mom's shoulder.

"Get out of bed sleepy head. You get five minutes!"

With that, the girl darted out of the room. Olivia turned to Alex and chuckled.

"She's too cute that girl."

Alex groaned and stretched her limbs.

"Yeah yeah."

"What was the song she was singing?"

"I have no idea. She made it up one day and now she sings it every time she comes in to wake me up."

"What does it mean?"

"Wake up maman! Wake up now. Wake up! Wake up! The sun is singing! But it rhymes in French."

"Speaking of which, when did you learn French? I meant to ask you that a while ago."

Olivia asked as she dragged them out of bed.

"All Cabots are required to learn a language. Polly's mother was French and she spoke it as well so that's why I chose it. I knew I'd get a lot of help. And I did."

Olivia nodded.

"I know Polly would want Emma to speak French and since she won't get it in school or anything, I speak to her almost exclusively in French. Unless a non-speaker is around."

"Couldn't have been Spanish, eh? Something I speak. You French have to complicate everything."

Alex laughed and gave her a playful tap.

"I'm not French. I just speak it."

"Yeah, yeah. That's what they all say."

Alex chuckled and grabbed her clothes.

"Okay, I'm going to shower."

"Alright. I'll start breakfast."

Olivia made her way to the kitchen and she started cooking with Emma's help. Alex emerged about twenty minutes later, looking a little too pale for Olivia's liking. She put down Emma's plate in the dining room and followed Alex back to the kitchen.

"Honey? What's wrong."

"Nothing. Just nerves."

"You look pale."

"Yeah. I got sick in the bathroom."

Olivia made her way to her and looked at her eyes. She wanted to see how sick she really was. Alex's eyes never lied, even if her mouth did.

"You don't look so well."

"Thanks." Alex answered with a smirk.

Olivia rubbed her shoulder. "That's not what I meant."

"I know."

"Did you want me to go with you?"

"No. I can do this."

"Okay. Did you want to try eating something?"

"No. It'll just come back up."

"I'm afraid you might pass out."

"I won't. I very rarely eat breakfast."

Olivia frowned. She'd been eating it every morning since she'd been here. Seeing Olivia's confusion, she clarified.

"I don't usually eat breakfast because I don't have time to make it. I'll eat it if it's there though. Don't worry. Going without breakfast is the norm for me."

"I still don't like it."

"How about I pick up a croissant on the way? It'll be there if I get hungry and if I don't it won't go to waste."

Olivia smiled and gave her a quick peck.

"Good compromise."

Alex glanced at the clock.

"I really need to be going." She could feel her stomach flip-flopping as she spoke.

"I know."

Alex made her way to the dining room and gave Emma a hug and a kiss, promising to be back as soon as she could. Olivia walked her to the door.

"You're sure you don't want me to go?"

"No, I want you to come with me but I know if you're there I'll just hide behind you." She said, giving a small laugh. Turning serious, she continued. "No, I can do this. But thank you. For everything. God Liv-"

"I know."

She gave her a long kiss and held her tight.

"I'm so proud of you Alex. And I love you so much."

"I love you too."

Releasing her, she gave her an encouraging smile.

"Now go before you're late."

She gave her one last peck and watched her disappear down the hall before closing the door.


	14. Chapter 14

A\N: Hey guys... I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth I swear! I apologize a thousand times over for not having been able to load this earlier...my laptop is STILL not working! but I found my USB (thank god for saving stuff! woot) so I was able to load this one. I have one chapter after this but I didn't save the ending on it so I have to finish it before uploading it. I'm swamped in work this week but I hope to have it done by the weekend. I can't believe I turned into one of those authors who waits like 3 000 months to update, I'm sorry!! I didn't realize how much time went by. :S Anyways gotta run, I'm 10 minutes late for class already but I felt so guilty since it's been so long since I uploaded that I figured class could wait lol

Anyways this is out to all of you who waited for the next chapter! I apologize again and hope you still remember the story!! xo

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Olivia spent the next hour keeping herself busy. She paced the living room, fixing things that didn't need to be fixed and cleaning things that didn't need to be cleaned. Emma could sense the woman's uneasiness so she stayed hidden behind the lazy-boy. She watched her carefully, unsure of what to do. Olivia had always felt safe but this tension in the air brought her right back to her father's house: an unsafe place. She did what was now an instinct and stayed hidden, but not enough that she couldn't see what was going on.

As Olivia wiped down the sink, she thought about when was the last time she'd seen Emma. Usually the girl was in the living room doing one of the dozens of puzzles she had so the quiet wasn't what was bothering her. It was the fact that she couldn't actually remember seeing her at the coffee table when she'd gone into the living room.

She put down the sponge and made her way to the living room. No Emma. Frowning, she called out the girl's name and made her way down the hallway.

"Emma? Emma where are you?"

She opened the spare room and didn't see her. She tried to calm herself but her nerves were already on edge and she was having trouble keeping the fear from her voice.

"Emma where are you? This isn't funny."

She spotted movement near the couch and turned to see the girl crouched between it and the chair. She slowly made her way over and saw the girl watching her every movement.

"Honey what are you doing back here?"

The girl didn't answer. Olivia reached out to her and Emma hesitantly allowed her to pick her up. Olivia rubbed her back and sat on the couch, placing her in her lap.

"Eh? What were you doing back there?"

"Nothing."

Olivia smiled at her and moved her hair behind her ear.

"Are you okay?"

The girl nodded.

"Then why were you hiding?"

The girl shrugged.

"You can tell me. Remember what I said? You can tell me anything and I won't be angry."

She looked at her for a second before looking down at her hands.

"You scared me."

Taken aback, Olivia immediately felt a wave of guilt and confusion wash over her. What had she done?

"I'm sorry baby. How did I scare you?"

"When you were walking in the living room. You were mad or...something and you were moving a lot and not saying anything."

"Oh honey…I was worried, that's why I was pacing. I wasn't angry or anything I promise. Why did that scare you?"

The girl stayed quiet so Olivia nudged her gently.

"You can tell me."

"Because that's what my dad would do right before he would get really mad and go find my mom. He scared me a lot."

The silent confession broke Olivia's heart. She wrapped her arms around her and held her close.

"I'm sorry baby. I didn't mean to remind you of him."

She rubbed Emma's back soothingly.

"I would never hurt you or your mom honey. Never. Okay?" She pulled the girl back so she could look in her eyes. "It's a promise. Nothing will ever happen as long as I can help it okay?"

The girl nodded and snuggled back into Olivia's arms. The brunette wrapped her arms around her and held her close.

"Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

"My mom is gone to see my dad today isn't she?"

"Yes."

"How come you didn't go?"

"Because your mom wanted to do this on her own."

"Why?"

"To prove to herself that she could do it I think."

"Oh. They're not going to leave her alone with him are they?"

"No baby, they won't. There will be police officers and lawyers with her. She'll be safe."

"Is that why you were worried today?"

"Kind of. I was worried about your mom but she's a tough woman. She can do it."

Emma stayed quiet in her arms and Olivia had a feeling that their conversation had more or less ended. She sat the girl up so that she could look into her eyes again.

"Anytime you want to talk again you just let me know, okay? I'm always going to be here. You don't have to worry about anything anymore sweetie. You're safe now."

Emma gave her a tight hug.

"Thank you for taking care of my mom."

Olivia kissed her temple.

"My pleasure honey. So what are we doing today?"

"I don't know." She answered quietly, trailing her finger along Olivia's necklace. Gathering her courage she asked: "Can we go to the park? I saw one on our walk the other day."

Olivia wasn't sure which one she was talking about but there were so many around here that it didn't really matter. They'd find one in whichever direction they took.

"Sure."

They spent the next couple of hours at the playground and Olivia bought Emma an ice cream on the way home. They turned on a movie and were about halfway through it when Olivia heard the key in the lock. The minute Alex walked into the door, Emma bolted for her.

"Maman!"

"Hey baby."

She bent down and swooped the girl in her arms, dropping her briefcase with the same movement. Emma wrapped her arms around her mother and gave her a tight hug.

"How are you?"

"I'm good. Olivia and I went to the park today and she bought me an ice cream.

"She did, did she?"

"Yep."

"That was nice of her."

She glanced at Olivia and smiled at her. Alex put down Emma as Olivia approached. She could feel the tears glistening in her eyes as the brunette got closer.

"We got him." She whispered.

Olivia let out a yelp of happiness and wrapped her arms around Alex.

"Congratulations honey! I knew you could do it."

She twirled her around and squeezed her tight. Alex let the tears stream down her face as Olivia held her close.

"It's finally over."

"Yep. It is."

Olivia cupper her cheeks and gave her a firm kiss on the lips, proving the statement. Alex let out a deep breath and rid herself of the anxiety she'd been feeling for the past...well, few months. Relief washed over her and she couldn't help the big grin on her face.

"Let's go out. I want to go do something."

"Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, I am. I haven't eaten yet."

Alex pulled Emma into her arms as Olivia gently guided them out of the house.

It was nearly nine when they finally got home. Alex immediately put Emma to bed and joined Olivia on the couch. She smiled when she noticed there was an open bottle of wine and two partially filled glasses on the coffee table.

She dimmed the lights and made her way over to the couch. She grabbed the two glasses before carefully making her way into Olivia's arms. The brunette grabbed a glass with one arm and slid another around her waist.

"Hey baby."

"Mmm. Hi."

Alex rested her head on her chest and took a sip of wine. Olivia slowly ran her fingers through Alex's hair and massaged her scalp as she patiently waited for her to start.

"You're quiet." The blonde stated.

"I'm waiting to see if you wanted to talk."

"Not really. There's not much to talk about."

"Uh-huh."

"No, really. He got there with his lawyer and the lawyer pretty much accepted the deal right away."

"And what about you? How do you feel about all of this?"

"Relieved. I'm glad it's all over. But I'm still worried about Emma. And I'm worried that he might get out early on good behaviour. And I'm afraid of what's to come in the future. And I wonder constantly if I'm doing the right thing. If this is what Polly would have wanted for Emma. I just can't seem to stop second-guessing myself."

Olivia squeezed her gently and placed a reassuring kiss on her head.

"Honey you're always going to have doubts, that's what being a mother is all about. You're constantly worrying about your kids and if you're doing the right thing. But you are doing the best that you can and you're doing a fantastic job if you ask me. Polly would be proud of you. There's no one else I would trust my kids with Alex, especially when I see you with her."

"Yeah but everything she's seen..."

"Kids are resilient Alex. It's still fresh right now but just wait. In a little while she'll be fine again. She's young enough that she will only have a few memories of this, if any at all. You did what you felt you had to do honey."

"I still feel so guilty about everything."

"I know baby. But you have nothing to worry about. You did what you thought was best, and it worked out. Now you can both forget about all of this and move on."

"What if I can't?"

"You can Alex. You have me, you have Elliot, you have the guys, your family, your friends. You have an infinite support system babe. We're all here for you, whatever you need. I will always be there for you. I can't imagine not being there for you."

She set the empty wine glasses down and wrapped both arms around Alex. When the blonde felt feather light kisses being laid down the side of her cheek and neck, she closed her eyes and tilted her head to the side to give her better access. It felt so good to be touched like this. It had been so long since she had been caressed by anyone that she almost forgot what it felt like.

As she sat there quietly, Alex's mind began to wander and she thought about the phone conversation she overheard yesterday. Olivia was talking with Elliot and the conversation had been weighing heavily on Alex's mind for the past couple of days now. The moment to bring it up hadn't seemed right until now. This was the perfect opportunity. Alex felt comfortable enough now to bring up the subject so she slipped out of Olivia's arms, sending the brunette a reassuring smile, and made her way to her briefcase.

Olivia watched as Alex pulled out a thick vinyl book, kind of like a day planner, and make her way back to the couch. She reclaimed her position between Olivia's legs and rested her back against her chest. She remained quiet as she ran her fingers along the vinyl cover, trying to gather her thoughts. Olivia had a sneaking suspicion she knew what that small book was, but she kept her mouth shut, waiting for the blonde to start.

"I heard you talking to Elliot yesterday."

"Oh?"

"And what you said...it got me thinking. I haven't been completely honest with you because I was trying to protect you. I didn't want you to know what happened because I knew it would hurt you. Probably more than it hurt me. But I didn't stop to think about what I was doing to you by not telling you what happened. What you said to him really hit me: that it felt like you were "feeling your way around in the dark" with me and you were right. I'm sorry. I wasn't being fair to you. I really wish you would have told me that that was how you felt. I didn't know…"

"I didn't mean for you to hear that."

"I know. I can't really say I'm sorry I eavesdropped though because otherwise I wouldn't have known."

They remained quiet for several minutes.

"I went through this today after we met with Jeff. That's why I was a little later than I expected. I'll share a few things with you, but I don't want to show you everything. I marked out a few things about you too. I thought you might like to hear those."

Olivia smiled against her shoulder.

"Naughty things?"

Alex chuckled.

"You wish."

Olivia smiled against her again because turning serious.

"I don't want you to show me this Alex unless you feel like you want to as well. I'm not going to lie, I want to know. But I also want you to want me to know."

"Part of me doesn't. Part of me wants to shield you from all of this. But then I think about everything I've already kept from you and everything you've done for me and I feel like I owe this to you. You deserve to know and because of that I want to show you. I don't want you to feel like you're in the dark anymore."

Olivia kissed her shoulder and wrapped her arms around her waist. She sighed deeply and thought about what Alex was going to show her. Did she want to know? Could she live with the knowledge of what happened to Alex? … It only took her a second to decide that she had to know. Not knowing was worse. Finally she nodded against Alex's shoulder.

"Okay."

Alex nodded and opened her diary.


	15. Chapter 15

A/n: So this is my last chapter!! I'm kind of sad to say it, because I had such a great time writing this one :) I hope you guys liked it too. I think it's good that I'm finishing it now since exams are starting in a month and I won't have the time to update. Hopefully I'll be able to get up some oneshots because I still have ideas running loose in my head lol

Well, I was really disappointed to see only 3 reviews for my last chapter. Either no one is reviewing, or no one is reading/interested anymore! :S I hope that isn't the case. So this last one if for the 3 wonderful reviewers from last time, hope you guys like it!! And thanks to everyone else, it's been really great writing this one, and thank you for reading!!! (L)

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She jumped to the first tabbed page and opened it.

"This was just after Polly's accident." She said quietly.

She flattened the book and began reading.

"_I don't know what to do. She's gone and I feel like I can't breathe. I can't believe it. I've been crying for days and I can't help thinking of her poor little Emma. What's going to happen to her? Are they going to let that son of a bitch keep her? He can't possibly raise her. He'll kill her just like he killed Polly... God what am I going to do? I can't leave her alone with him. I can't put her in the system because she'll end up worse than where she is. Damn it. What do I do?" _

Alex felt her emotions stirring so she cleared her throat and jumped to the next entry.

"_I just had an amazing night with Olivia. We went out for drinks and we talked until 2 in the morning. I don't even care that I have to be up in a few hours. I feel like a schoolg__irl again and I love it. She showed up in those jeans again. And that white wife beater I love so much. I swear to God I thought I was going to come in my pants the minute she touched me." _Alex felt herself blush as she spoke.

Olivia noticed the pause and grinned against her neck.

"I remember that night. You were still wearing your suit. I've had quite a few fantasies involving that suit."

Alex cleared her throat and continued, ignoring the arousal now stirring deep in her belly at Olivia's words and soft touch against her stomach.

"_We talked and talked and I didn't even notice the time going by. I thought Jeff would be pissed that I was late but he's not even here. He left Emma with the neighbour. I'm not sure-"_

The entry ended and Olivia frowned.

"Where's the rest?"

"This is actually where I heard the door. I had moved in with Jeff at this point, I forgot to mention that. Anyways, I stopped writing because I heard the door."

"Well what happened?"

"Um, that was the first time he hit me." she said carefully.

Olivia felt her heart stop. She sat, quietly, trying to still herself but Alex felt her stiffen and immediately stopped talking.

"Don't stop Alex. I'm going to get upset, but I don't want you to sugar coat it. What happened?"

"Liv I'm not so sure-"

"No. Tell me."

"Okay. Um, he got in and got angry that I had gone out after work. I had called and left a message but he told me I had never discussed it with him. Meaning I had never asked his permission. He got angry and he…threw me against the wall. He made me swear that I wouldn't do it again."

Alex waited to see what Olivia would say. The brunette said nothing, choosing instead to lean into her and kiss her neck softly. She felt the arms around her tighten before she felt wetness down her collarbone. Frowning, Alex moved slightly and saw Olivia's eyes were closed and tears were streaming down her face. Her heart broke at the sight. She turned and pulled her into a deep hug. Olivia didn't resist. The brunette then pulled Alex into her lap and buried her face in her neck, placing butterfly kisses on her throat.

"Baby…"

"It's okay honey. I'm okay."

Olivia shook her head and stroked Alex gently.

"I love you Olivia."

"I-" she cleared her throat as her voice broke. "I love you too."

Alex placed a kiss on Olivia's forehead and cupped her cheeks.

"Are you okay now?"

Olivia nodded slowly.

"Yeah. Just needed a minute."

"It's better if you don't think about it. It's done and over with, okay?"

Alex kissed her again before turning in her arms.

"Do you want me to continue?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

Alex flipped to the right spot and waited a second before finally continuing.

"_I feel like such a bitch. We started going out as friends but now i__t's turning into something more. It's definitely turning into something more… She kissed me tonight and I felt like I was walking on air. I kissed her back, obviously, and God...I thought I had died and gone to Heaven. I live for these times when I get to leave the house and see her. It's only been a month but I feel like I'm suffocating. Just seeing Liv helps lift my spirits for a few days. I mean, I know I'm doing this for Emma and that I have to do it, but I'm so sore all the time now. I'm taking note of everything; I want to do this right. What I have so far won't put him in jail for long, if at all. Damn our laws! No matter what he still ends up with Emma or if he loses her, she ends up in the system. I don't want either of those things. It's too early for me to bring up my adopting her. Polly why did you stay with this guy? I hate him. God do I ever hate him." _

She skipped a few more pages to a couple of weeks later.

"_Lord do I not want to start this page. I don't want to do this. I know I have to but I can't. I've cried so much my eyes are stinging and my stomach still hurts. I threw up I don't know how many times and the pain just won't go away. I broke it off with Olivia yesterday. God my heart hurts. My entire being hurts.__ I feel like I'm dying... but I had to break it off with her. _

_I've been so selfish__. There's no way this can work out. Technically I'm not even fucking available. I had to because she started to notice the bruises.. and at first it was easy to deflect the questions you know? Lie and tell her I worked up one of the guys they apprehended but you can only use that so many times. She's not an idiot. She's not going to believe I ran into something. I can't have her looking into this or else she's going to want to help. She's going to tell me to put Emma in foster care and then apply to get her. Even if I did that, why the hell would they give her to me? I have no blood ties. I was her mother's friend, that's it. And with the amount of hours I work, they'd never give her to me. They'd give her to Jeff's parents since Polly's parents are dead and then that son of a bitch would have unsupervised access to her. _

_No. I can't .God it kills me and I just want to be selfish and rip Emma away from him and go off with Liv...but that's just a fantasy... I need to stop focusing on my own selfish goals and focus on that little girl. That's why I'm here right? I know I'm in love with Olivia...God I can't focus when she's in the room because she distracts me so much, but I love that little girl more. I would do anything for her. As much as I love Olivia, I love Emma more. She'll always win. And I know that Olivia would understand that, but I can't explain it to her. So...I hurt her. I told her I couldn't do this anymore. That it would never work out. I told her our relationship would get us both fired, or worse. She's been calling me all night but I'm not answering. I can't. Because if I do, I'll blurt out everything that's going on and I'll want to hide behind her and have her make it all go away. And I __**hate**__ that I feel like that. I'm not a coward. I'm not weak. At least, I never was. But Olivia makes me feel so safe that I just want to hide in her protective arms. When she holds me...God it's like the whole world disappears. All the pain with Jeff just floats away. _

_But I can't think like that. I have a reason for doing this, and I have to do it."_

Alex took a breath and waited for her emotions to calm down. Olivia wiped at her tears before wrapping her arms back around Alex's waist.

"I love you baby."

Alex nodded silently as the tears made their way down her face. She skipped a few pages again and forced a small smile.

"_Today was a good day. The first one in...God knows how long. I didn't have to force a happy face for Emma like I usually do because I was actually happy. Jeff came home early from work, sober for once, and brought me flowers. I thought it was for what he did yesterday but he announced it was for our third month anniversary and how cou__ld I forget? I hadn't forgotten; I've been counting every damn day Emma and I are in this hell hole and to me the anniversary is not something to celebrate. Regardless, he was in a good mood and Emma was happy so I decided to just go with it. He took us out to supper, a kid-friendly place - surprisingly enough - that had an inside jungle gym for Emma to play in. Jeff and I watched and he actually asked how my day was. I went through the day fairly quickly, not wanting to say something wrong, and he congratulated me on winning our case. I kept waiting for the ball to drop but it never did. Not until later anyways. I'll admit I was on edge almost all evening but I hid it well enough that they didn't notice. When we got home he read Emma a bedtime story and we sat on the couch until he fell asleep. It almost felt normal."_

Alex stopped reading there and went to skip another few pages. However, Olivia stopped her hand.

"You're not finished."

"Yes I am."

"That wasn't the end of that entry."

Alex hesitated, so Olivia continued, "What happens next?"

Alex traced her finger on the paper.

"I don't think you want to know the end of that one."

"Why?"

Alex took a deep breath.

"It's one of the entries about...our having sex."

Olivia nodded dejectedly. It had been confirmed. Now she knew. If she really admitted it to herself she knew they'd had sex but, she wished Alex would have told her they never did.

"Liv?"

"Yeah...I'm still listening."

"I think I should just skip this part."

"Be honest with me Alex. Did he…did he ever force himself on you?" she asked quietly.

"No. Not exactly." Olivia gave her a minute to continue. "He never raped me. I was never held down against my will."

"Was he rough with you?"

"No, not really. He wasn't as…he wasn't as gentle as you are with me. But then again no one has ever treated me as well as you do. But the first time he was really careful. He's a lot bigger than I am and it was really uncomfortable, not quite painful but...he was always pretty considerate."

"Not considerate enough to notice that you weren't enjoying it though." Olivia added bitterly.

"Liv." She said warningly. "I told you you weren't going to enjoy hearing about it."

"I know. I just don't understand assholes like that. Like, when you _know_ she's not into it-"

"But in his defence, it didn't happen often. I was usually able to say no or he'd be too drunk and just pass out."

"That doesn't make it any better Alex."

"I know. I think I should stop now. You're getting upset."

"Of course I'm getting upset. How can I not? The shit he did to you-"

Alex turned in her arms and placed a finger on her lips. After Olivia quieted, Alex put the book on the floor and wrapped her arms around the brunette's waist, pulling her close.

"I love you Olivia. I know you're angry with him and I know you're angry with me, and what I did, but I did what I felt I had to. And I would do it over again if I had to. Besides, it wasn't always bad. Sometimes Jeff did sweet things. And I had Emma. She kept my spirits up when things were especially bad."

Olivia held her close but stayed quiet.

"I love you Olivia. I know this is hard but…"

"Yeah, it is. But I know baby. I love you too."

Alex slipped from her arms and made her way to her briefcase. She pulled out a different notebook- a burgundy one this time, and returned to Olivia's lap.

"This one's new. I bought it a few days ago. I'm starting a new chapter in my life so I wanted to start over. I think you'll like this one."

She turned so she was on her back and flipped a few pages until she found what she was looking for.

"_Wow. I don't even know where to start with this one. I'm sitting against the headboard with Olivia snuggled right next to me, hugging my hip. She's passed out against me. I think I wore her out. We made love...God I couldn't even count how many times. And it was sooooooo__o good. God that woman knows what she's doing. The way she teases me to the point where I can't even remember my own name...and the way she touched me tonight.. There were a few times where I felt like screaming. I don't think I've ever come so hard and so many times in my whole life. My stomach muscles are actually sore. I'll have to remember to tell her that someday. Hopefully she feels the same way about me. I'll probably be sore in the morning, but hell, it'll have been worth it." _

Olivia stroked Alex's middle with her fingers and listened intently as the blonde spoke. She grinned against her and felt her ego grow as she heard the way Alex described their last bout of love making.

"I'm glad to know you're so satisfied."

"Like you had no idea."

Olivia grinned.

"Okay, continue. I see other nice things about me."

Alex chuckled and placed a small kiss on her arm before continuing to read.

"_I'm so happy with her. I feel so complete. When she wraps her arms around me...there's no feeling that compares. And she's so good with Emma; she's so patient with her. And that little girl is already infatuated with her. Every time Olivia gets up to go somewhere, she turns to me and asks when she'll be back. Liv went to the bathroom yesterday and Emma waited by the door for her. She's so cute. And Liv has the patience of an angel. God am I ever in love with this woman. Those feelings never left and the minute I walked into this apartment with her they all came rushing back. They scared me at first but I love this woman so much sometimes I feel like climbing on top of roof and letting all of her neighbours know that I'm dating Olivia Benson.__ I can't imagine my life without her, nor do I want to. I think this is it for me. She's everything I've ever wanted…"_

Olivia felt her eyes pool with tears again, but this time because she was so happy. She felt her heart swell and was overcome with a wave of love at hearing Alex's words. The blonde gently closed the book and placed it on the table, trying to hide the blush that painted her cheeks.

As she pulled back, Olivia turned her chin with her finger. Alex followed willingly and was pulled into a deep heated kiss. She could feel with every brush of Olivia's tongue against hers how much the woman loved her, and it brought her to tears. She tried to pour everything she was feeling into the kiss, trying to tell Olivia everything the brunette was telling her.

When Olivia finally pulled back, she cupped Alex's cheeks and stared into her eyes.

"I love you Alex. I love you more than anything in this world."

The blonde wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck, pulling herself up to the brunette's ear.

"I love you too Olivia. More than you know." She whispered.

Olivia slipped one arm under the blonde's knees, one under her back and then scooped her up in her arms. Alex chuckled as she slipped her arms around Olivia's neck, grabbing her old journal along the way.

"What are you going to do with it now?"

She asked, as she began walking to the bedroom. Alex smiled at her, tossing it in the trash once they got to their destination.

"I bought a new one for a reason. I don't want to be reminded of my old life so I bought a new one to fill with stuff about you…and about Emma."

She gently placed Alex down on the bed and hovered above her.

"About me eh?"

"Yeah. Didn't you notice? I already started it." She grinned up at her, kissing her softly.

"Yes ma'am I did. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to contribute to your new endeavour by," _kiss on her nose _"helping you" _kiss on her throat _"with your next entry," _kiss on her chest _"and the one after that" _kiss on her lower abdomen_ "and the one after that…"

By the time Olivia was finished with her, Alex was sure she would have _plenty_ of material to write her next entry. And the one after that, and the one after that…

La fin!


End file.
